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SHOCKING

California gay-marriage ruling inspires ELLEN DEGENERES and GEORGE TAKEI to marry (but not each other)

Angry Hungarian student just misses hitting Microsoft CEO STEVE BALLMER with eggs. Student obviously running Vista

HARRISON FORD gets chest waxed for charity, early promo for Indiana Jones and the 65-Year-Old Virgin

Who would Jesus sue? Inspirational "FOOTPRINTS" poem in legal battle over authorship

PREDICTABLE

KATIE HOLMES to star in Arthur Miller revival on Broadway

AMY WINEHOUSE and Pete Doherty play with box of newborn mice on YouTube. So things are obviously going just fine for them

BOB WOODWARD takes a buyout from Washington Post, 35 years too late for Nixon

Wall Street restaurant serves $175 GOLD-TOPPED BURGER. Mmmm ... tastes like layoffs

CHARLES BARKLEY says he'll give up gambling. Oddsmakers set line at 1,000 to 1

JACK BLACK reveals ANGELINA JOLIE pregnant with twins. Vengeful Angelina Jolie reveals Jack Black also pregnant with twins

R. KELLY trial begins. Motion to have jury selection at Miley Cyrus concert denied!

PRINCE HARRY'S convoy in 100 m.p.h. chase en route to nightclub

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY shops baby photos to tabloids. Proceeds to go to undershirt fund

Law & Order airs ELIOT SPITZER--themed episode

SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE