Punchlines

"Michael Jackson is planning to follow in the footsteps of Madonna and Angelina Jolie and do charity work in Africa. Jackson says he wants to get to Africa soon--before all the good kids are taken." CONAN O'BRIEN

"And here's probably why you folks aren't feeling so good: Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock? Well, they're getting a divorce--sad news. You know, it was a brief marriage. Friends actually noticed that the couple started drifting apart during the ceremony." DAVID LETTERMAN

"Amid this environment of treachery, the President visited one of his last bastions of support, the Baltic states, whose love for America clearly indicates we're better than Stalinist Russia." JON STEWART

For more humor, visit time.com/cartoons