Online Wisdom

By By Sally Stich

Whenever he needed advice while growing up in Yakima, Wash., Doug Meckelson always turned to his grandmother and favorite mentor, Revay Meckelson. She died in 1987, but he found similar sage counsel when he volunteered five years ago at a senior center in San Francisco. "As I listened to these elders," recalls Meckelson, 45, "I thought how great it'd be to set up a website where cybergrandparents could share their life experiences to help others, just as my grandmother had done with me."

Thus was born Elder Wisdom Circle (EWC), a group of volunteers 60 and older who offer advice on a variety of subjects to anyone who writes in seeking it. Its website, launched in 2001 with one advice giver, currently has about 600, most of whom find out about EWC through their senior centers or by word of mouth. They field about 3,500 letters a month, 35% of which come from young people in their teens to early 20s.

The volunteer mentors don't receive any counseling training, but they must fill out a questionnaire that seeks to determine how empathetic they are and if they can offer advice without being judgmental. Meckelson says the 50% who make it through that selection process are then encouraged to use common sense in responding to letters that come into the EWC website. The counselors read letters posted on the site and choose the ones they feel best equipped to handle. Once a letter has been selected, it's no longer available to other mentors to answer unless the advice seeker specifically asks for a second opinion. All letters of advice are reviewed by a committee of volunteers that makes sure that the issues are addressed and that no medical, legal or tax advice has been offered before the messages are e-mailed to the individuals who have requested help. Direct communication between the advice givers and recipients is discouraged. Says Meckelson: "This isn't a pen-pal site."

Retired government worker Helen Blanks, 67, of Sierra Vista, Ariz., discovered the EWC website by accident but now answers about seven to 10 letters a week. When she spotted a request from a young woman in an interracial relationship who wondered if love could conquer all--even family disapproval--Blanks knew she had to answer. The product of an interracial marriage, Blanks had experienced firsthand what challenges might lie ahead. "I told her how one set of my grandparents would have nothing to do with me," she says. "I asked if she and her boyfriend were strong enough to handle a relationship--as well as future children--that might not be accepted by everyone."

Meckelson estimates that "75% of our letters deal with relationship issues." The other 25%, he says, focus on issues like business, career and personal debt. The obvious question, of course, is why so many people would ask a perfect, and unseen, stranger for advice on such sensitive matters. Anonymity, for starters, says David M., 20, a college student who found EWC by going to Google and typing in "free advice." David, who prefers to remain anonymous, says overly critical parents are another factor causing young people to look for outside help. "My father has always been pretty tough on me," he says, "and I needed some advice from someone who's not invested in my future." His problem: a life filled with college classes, work, exercise, hanging out with friends--and so much procrastination that he was always stressed.

Did the advice help? Absolutely. "I learned the different ways I was sabotaging myself and how to break big tasks into small steps," he says. In fact, he even printed out the response and carries it with him in his backpack. "I was really impressed with how much effort went into addressing my issues," he says. "And I think I'm really starting to mature." Some cybergrandparent should be very proud.