Tripping with Parents

By Francine Russo

For some, the idea is a natural, while others may have to give it a little thought. As their parents age but stay relatively healthy, growing numbers of adult children are taking them on special vacations. The most successful, those travelers say, are geared to fulfilling the parents' desires, whether it's a trip they've always wanted to make or an experience they've never even imagined. Those journeys work best when all participants tailor expectations to such realities as how much a parent can comfortably do and the kind of relationship parent and child have with each other. New York City psychologist Karen Zager suggests preparing coping strategies in advance of the trip to avoid old conflicts that can resurface with 24/7 togetherness and plan for some time apart as a break. She also advises having "backup plans in case you need to come home early." Still, for those willing to take the chance, the rewards can range from learning something new about someone they love to sharing a bonding experience that can be treasured forever. Here are five trips of a lifetime that almost any mom or dad would enjoy.

?JUST HANG OUT TOGETHER

After her dad died, public relations consultant Stacey Udell, 39, of Dix Hills, N.Y., wanted to show her mom Ellie Meyrowitz, 64, a good time away from grandkids and in-laws. Since they both like nightlife and glamour, Udell arranged a stay at El Conquistador Resort & Golden Door Spa in Las Croabas, Puerto Rico. Every day, after lounging on the beach, they dolled themselves up for a night on the town, drank vodka on the rocks and lingered over lavish meals. One night, they went to an art- museum restaurant and found limos outside. Inside, local women in glittery dresses glided by accompanied by elegant men at a private party. "Let's crash," Stacey proposed, and Ellie was instantly up for it. They drank exotic cocktails with hors d'oeuvres and clung together in the crowd, giggling all the time and finding pleasure just in being in each other's company. The next year they went to the Dominican Republic.

Stacey: I was looking for a boyfriend for her, which didn't happen. But maybe on our next trip.

Ellie: We were like two friends, partners in crime. Also, being alone with my daughter, I could see how mature and successful she is. The way she carries herself--it was a joy to see.

?INDULGE IN LUXURY

Taking the American Orient Express's Great Transcontinental Rail Journey was the perfect trip for Allan Geddes, 76. Geddes and his late wife Shirley had always done things "top of the line," according to their son John, 49, a glass designer in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. What's more, railroading had always been Allan's passion, from putting together the tabletop track and cars John played with as a boy to accumulating a wealth of big-engine lore. On a 10-day rail tour from Los Angeles to Savannah, Ga., which included stops at the Grand Canyon and New Orleans, father and son occupied separate mahogany-and- velvet-trimmed sleeper cars that dated from the 1940s, drank cocktails while listening to live piano music in the sumptuous club car, and dined on five-star meals. The passing sights prompted the elder Geddes to unfold new stories about his past: his days shoveling coal into steam engines, his first trip with John's mother. Over the miles, the train ride became special for both of them.

John: He's getting older, and I'm storing up memories.

Allan: Walking along Bourbon Street, I stopped at the Court of Two Sisters and pointed: "John," I said, "around the corner is the hotel where your mother and I first stayed. We could order drinks right through our window." I enjoy telling him about his mother. She was a very special person.

?VISIT THE ANCESTRAL HOMELAND

Diane Dobry, 49, grew up hearing legends of her great-grandfather, a Hungarian nobleman reduced to managing a baroness's stable. Later, as an instructor of media studies at Queens College in New York City, Diane visited Hungary several times to do research and wanted to share the experience with her mother. So she surprised her mom Carol Hornbuckle with a trip to Budapest as a 70th-birthday present. Diane found them a pretty four-star hotel, the K+K Opera in Budapest, introduced her mother to her Hungarian friends and took her to places of historic interest like Esztergom Cathedral on the Danube and the Museum of Ethnography. At the museum, Carol spent hours entranced by the 19th century embroidered clothes and hand-painted furniture like her grandparents'. The trip not only strengthened their bonds to the past but also to each other.

Diane: She got teary. It was a feeling beyond satisfying to help her connect with something so meaningful to her.

Carol: That Diane would do this for me--with all she has to do with her boys and school and the house--makes me realize how special I am to her. The trip brought us closer, and I think of it every day.

?SHARE A PASSION

Angela Hult of Portland, Ore., cherishes girlhood memories of peacefully trolling on Puget Sound, while her father would bait her hook and tell her stories of his boyhood. Now 38 and a community-relations director, Hult spotted an opportunity to share that kind of time with him again. At 70, her dad Jim Hajek was lamenting that his old fishing pals were gone or infirm and that his back pain kept him from making the rugged trips he used to enjoy. He leaped at Angela's offer to fish together at the Salmon Falls Resort in Ketchikan, Alaska. She picked a lodge that provided guided trips on comfortable boats, packed lunches and cleaned their catch each day. They caught lots of fish, saw pods of orca whales and watched a school of Dall's porpoises. Angela had worried that father and daughter, both stubborn, might "butt heads," but she found it easy to defer to him.

Angela: It helped us recapture what we had when I was a little girl and I could see the delight in his eyes.

Jim: Kids take off in different directions when they leave the nest. I felt honored that my daughter would go fishing with me.

?FULFILL A DREAM

For years Chicagoan Michael O'Shea and his wife Frances had talked about traveling to Australia and New Zealand after their seven daughters grew up. When his wife died in October 1997, Michael resigned himself to never going. Then for Michael's 70th birthday, his daughters Anne, 36, a commercial pilot, and Bernadette, 37, a fund raiser, offered to take him on a trip Down Under funded by all the sisters. "My father never asked anything for himself," Bernadette says. "He was giddy for the next six weeks, watching audiotapes and reading books." Driving from place to place, often without hotel reservations, the daughters set a frantic pace. Although Michael kept up, it was sometimes a struggle for him. Still, he adored the trip. At a nature preserve in Australia, he let a huge python wrap itself around his neck. In Auckland, New Zealand, he sipped espresso and watched in amazement as thrill seekers, attached by wires, leaped from the Sky Tower--the tallest structure in the southern hemisphere--in what is called a controlled BASE jump. At the trip's end, he thanked his daughters profusely and, eyes twinkling, said, "You know, I have other dreams too."

Anne: It was great just to see the sparkle in his eye the entire time.

Michael: It was the dream of a lifetime, and it showed me my daughters appreciated what I did as a father.