Punchlines

"Instead of sneaking in, if you want to be a U.S. citizen, do it the right way. Have Angelina Jolie adopt you." --JIMMY KIMMEL

"FEMA officials announced today that they're closing their New Orleans field office. A FEMA spokesman said, 'There's nothing left for us to do in New Orleans. Now could someone please get my car out of that tree?'" --CONAN O'BRIEN

"Another story where somebody finds something in their food: At a T.G.I. Friday's in Indiana, a male customer finds a human finger in his hamburger, and the management was terribly, terribly apologetic. They said, 'Oh, my God, that's supposed to be in the chili!'" --DAVID LETTERMAN

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