Punchlines

"A pair of ruby slippers worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz have been stolen ... The thief is being described as 'armed and fabulous.'" --DAVID LETTERMAN

"As if this country doesn't have enough to worry about, as of midnight last night, Martha Stewart's ankle bracelet is off. She celebrated by breaking into a Pottery Barn and shoplifting a sconce." --JIMMY KIMMEL

"GOOGLE ANNOUNCES PLAN TO DESTROY ALL INFORMATION IT CAN'T INDEX." --Fake news headline from THE ONION

For more political humor, visit time.com/cartoons