Clicking Online

By Andrea Sachs

"It's a date quake," says Judsen Culbreth, author of The Boomers' Guide to Online Dating. "There's a huge boom in mature online daters." Culbreth, 55, former editor of Working Mother, should know. After her 20-year marriage ended in divorce, she became a successful online dater. She shared her dating secrets with TIME's ANDREA SACHS.

What was your online experience? I dated online for about two years and met my current husband. The first time I saw him, I just knew he was it. We were on matchmaker.com He had the most criteria that reflected my answers to the questionnaire. I'll be darned if that computer wasn't exactly right. We like the same movies. We like the same books. It was almost like separated at birth.

Were you reluctant at first? I had some of the same hesitations that other women have. "Will I be able to do it technically?" "Is this O.K. to do?" But as soon as I got the feedback, it was like--oh! For a divorced person who's feeling not too good about herself and not too attractive, suddenly you have 89 e-mails the next morning.

What about women who fear that the men online will want younger women? Census Bureau demographics show that men actually marry women within three years of their age. You hear so many stories about May-December romances, but that's not what the statistics show. The things men and women are both looking for are warmth, companionship, common interests. Most people rate common interests above attractiveness.

How do I find a site? There are five that I recommend: match.com thirdagepersonals.com matchmaker.com perfectmatch.com and seniorfriendfinder.com

How expensive is it? To sign up, less than it costs to go Dutch on a blind date. It could be $15 a month; some services are a bit more.

Are people truthful in their profiles? Women tend to lie about their age and weight. Men tend to lie about weight and hair or fitness level. You're eventually going to meet this person, so why go there? Particularly for mature daters, none of us is perfect right now. So be truthful.

Do you ask for specific ages? That's important. Give a wide age range. Usually I would go a 10-year stretch, younger and older, so that you don't eliminate people from the get-go.

If people see your photo and profile and are interested, what do they do? The site will let them e-mail you. You have an e-mail address on the site and an anonymous handle. You're given information on that person, and you can respond--certainly by going to see their profile and see whether it's someone you'd like. Then it gets going. He or she will e-mail you back, and you'll correspond.

Are there safety concerns? I suggest that you correspond for a while. Experts suggest three months. I think that's a little long. Six weeks sounds like a long time too, but I think that's wise. If you think there's something going there, then have a date in a public place. Going for coffee or a drink after work is very good. You can always extend the date; that's what my husband did. When we agreed to meet for drinks, he said he had a meeting afterward. Then, over the drink, he said, "You know, that meeting was canceled. Why don't we have dinner?"