Letters

A Female Turning Point

Our cover story on the way women baby boomers are facing the turning point of middle age prompted readers to share their tales of transformation, self-discovery and starting over. Some women argued against waiting until 50 to break loose from life's confines. And some men felt just plain left out

Your article on the midlife transformation of women was wonderful [May 16]. Female baby boomers are pioneers in innovatively facing a new stage of life. Just as teenagers break away from childhood to begin preparing for adulthood, women (and men) in midlife must depart from traditional adulthood and grow in a different dimension. Like teenagers, we have the opportunity to dream: to imagine different scenarios for the future, to go to school, live in a new city, take a trip. But we need to close the gender gap. No longer separated by unique family roles, women and men have a common agenda: to find new purpose and cement relationships, to kick up and have fun.

ABIGAIL TRAFFORD - Washington

For many years, the idea of a man having a midlife crisis provoked laughter. How many cartoons and jokes are there about middle-aged men buying motorcycles and contemplating the meaning of life? It turns out that women think they too need a good midlife crisis, only now it isn't the subject of jokes. It is "a major turning point in their lives." Men in a midlife crisis are usually pictured as balding and paunchy. In contrast, the women you featured are all attractive and in shape. They seem empowered by their crises. The disparity of all that is enough to make me question my male existence. Perhaps I'll buy a boat and go looking for the real me. It seems to be the thing to do.

DAVID WHITE - Wauwatosa, Wis.

Having obtained a master's degree as a nurse practitioner with a specialty in women's health at 51, I am starting my own health-care practice at 57. You're right to applaud women who embrace midlife. For those of us over 50, things just keep getting better. It is a true time of empowerment for us.

AUDREY C. VAN VOORHIS - Port Orchard, Wash.

Your story was overblown. We all go through soul searching, men and teenagers included. Women should remember that everyone has the choice of being content or miserable. If they choose to be happy, they won't make poor choices that cause a crisis. Women are capable of being decision makers, and we can determine how to improve our life choices.

CORNELIA A. HOLT - Fort Myers, Fla.

The onset of middle age does not have to be a crisis; it can be an opportunity. Women of the baby-boom generation should remember the adage, "One person can make a difference." My awakening came weeks after 9/11 when I examined my purpose in life. Today I am a consultant for children with learning disabilities. Every woman should believe that she can make a difference by herself.

KATHLEEN McCLASKEY - Amherst, N.H.

Given the advances in reproductive technology, I was surprised that your story didn't mention having a baby as some women's response to middle age. I'm 49, and my husband and I have a 4-year-old son who fills every day of our "middle age" with joy. Midlife and motherhood are a great combination!

KIM DAHL - Provo, Utah

Over 40 doesn't have to mean over the hill. At 49, when the last of my six children went off to college, I enrolled in law school and started a new career as a consumer-bankruptcy attorney. I hope to work at least until 70.

PENNY SOUHRADA - LeClaire, Iowa

In your report, columnist and life coach Jane Glenn Haas advised midlife women to put themselves first. Haas writes that "it's O.K. to have a facial, travel by yourself or have a relationship without a wedding ring." Although it's very healthy to take good care of yourself, selfishness leads to unhappiness while sacrificing for loved ones brings lasting joy. Having an affair, while potentially exciting, can be emotionally destructive. Physical intimacy outside of marriage undermines self-esteem. Women need to make emotionally healthy choices.

LAURIE STOKER - Buffalo, Minn.

Your story implied that when a woman has a midlife crisis, she can rewrite the rules. But when she decides to pull the rug out from under those who have built their lives on a promise before God, all commitment and loyalty become meaningless. The trendy solutions to a midlife crisis leave devastation and sadness in their wake. It is possible to take a new direction without selfishly destroying one's family.

ROBERT H. PAVALOCK - Bristol, Conn.

Therapy for Self-Injurers

Re "The Cruelest Cut," on self-mutilation [May 16]: It was a relief to read that professionals are finally discovering the effectiveness of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) as an important treatment for borderline-personality disorder in teens who cut themselves. I started self-injuring at age 9. My parents, friends and doctors first responded by treating it as a naughty behavior, then as a serious suicide risk. Even the doctors didn't understand what to do because the problem was not yet well understood. After seven hospitalizations, I found a DBT therapist who focused more on managing the intense emotions that triggered my impulses to self-harm and less on the actual acts of cutting, burning and bruising. I am a junior in college, and DBT helps me moderate my emotions and make daily decisions. If more self-injurers seek this type of therapy, maybe more doctors will catch on.

LAURA ESHELMAN - Durham, N.C.

The Hillary Factor

Joe Klein's column "Hillary in 2008? No Way!" spelled out why it's a bad idea for Senator Clinton to run for President [May 16]. I agree with much of Klein's assessment of Hillary's possible candidacy. What the Senator will find out, should she run, is that all the old questions regarding Whitewater, her plans for revamping health care and her conduct toward her White House staff will come back to hit her with the fury of a tsunami. It will be a massive political and media sideshow.

JOHN SIMPSON - Nashua, N.H.

Why not Hillary? Especially if the Republicans go with Condoleezza Rice? What an exciting race that would be! I say, bring it on!

UMA SUBRAMANIAN - Arlington, Texas

Klein put it best when he stated, "Bill Clinton was a good President. Hillary Clinton is a good Senator. But enough already." Am I the only one who feels that Hillary is overly ambitious? Does she want to ascend to the highest rung of the political ladder just for the sake of it? If she runs for President, she will further polarize Democrats and Republicans. Who needs a more divided country? Hillary is a good politician. She's also a hard worker who delivers on her promises. She has my respect. But I don't want her in the Oval Office! We need new, new, new options.

ADRIAN M. GONZALEZ - Chicago

Hillary would make a great President, but that's not the only reason I would vote for her. I would do it for the sheer joy of watching the Republicans pale as Bill Clinton moves back into the White House.

JULIE KORNACK - Los Angeles

Summer Reruns

One thing Richard Corliss overlooked in "Once More, with Feeling," his story on this summer's film remakes [May 16], is that adaptation is a common practice in Western culture. Greek drama and the works of Homer were based on familiar legends and stories from the oral tradition, and the plays of Shakespeare were often adapted from literary sources. It's what you do with the material, and how you make it new, that counts.

M. THOMAS INGE, BLACKWELL PROFESSOR OF THE HUMANITIES

RANDOLPH-MACON COLLEGE - Ashland, Va.

As an avid movie buff, I found the report on this summer's hot movies a breath of fresh air and a break from your more serious news stories. Even though some of the films are sequels or remakes of movies from decades ago, they promise to bring enjoyment to us moviegoers.

JOSEPH P. PARIS - Rochester, N.Y.

Bad Manners

I was extremely disappointed by Patricia Marx's essay "Wedding Etiquette for the Runaway Bride" [May 16]. The situation of the Georgia bride-to-be [Jennifer Wilbanks], who concocted a story of having been kidnapped, was sad. Although law-enforcement authorities became involved in what should have remained a personal matter, the media devoted excessive coverage to the events. I feel sympathy for the groom and his family, and I certainly don't condone the bride's behavior. But TIME's poking fun at a tragic family situation in a satirical Essay was meanspirited and way over the top. Clearly, the bride has some serious problems. The media should leave her and her family alone and let them deal with the matter privately.

DIANA HENNEUSE - Sunnyvale, Calif.

Trauma Clinic

I was appalled by the grisly realities described in Aparisim Ghosh's harrowing account of a day in the emergency room at Baghdad's Yarmouk Hospital [May 16]. Conditions couldn't be worse for the medical staff and the unfortunate victims of insurgent attacks. But most frustrating is the bungling ineptitude in providing Iraqis with basic health-care essentials. Companies like Halliburton can profit while wounded Iraqi citizens struggle to survive and overwhelmed Iraqi doctors and nurses fight to save them with outdated or inadequate medical equipment. Good luck winning the hearts and minds of the Iraqi populace with such underfunded and mismanaged efforts.

ERIC J. MORROW - North Cedar City, Utah

Ghosh's report brought into focus the sheer horror of daily life in Baghdad. For those like me who have become almost inured to the TV images of the aftermath of daily bomb attacks, Ghosh's article surely was journalism at its best: sharply etched, unsentimental. Articles like his are crucial in aiding our understanding of what actually goes on in Baghdad. You should have featured the heroic doctors and nurses of the Baghdad ER on your cover.

SARA KOZAK - New York City