People

By Lev Grossman

DUDE, WHERE'S MY HORSE?

What is CATE BLANCHETT, far right, looking so mad about? After all, she's the star of Ron Howard's chilling The Missing, his first film since he won an Oscar for A Beautiful Mind. But she has her reasons. One, desperados kidnapped her daughter. Two, her estranged father TOMMY LEE JONES, right (looking extra craggy), who left the family to go live with Apaches for 20 years, is the only man who can help get the child back. And three ... well, The Missing (which opens Nov. 19) is a western, but Blanchett is no cowgirl. "I kept telling her, 'You looked great on horseback in Elizabeth!'" says Howard. "And she says, 'One shot, Ron. One shot.'" Maybe she'd prefer a throne.

Back to You in the Studio

Maybe the USA Network hired ANNA KOURNIKOVA, left, to cover the U.S. Open because of her pretty face. Or because she's the only Russian tennis player whose name Americans can pronounce. But if it was for incisive, McEnrovian analysis, the network didn't get it, and Kournikova retired from broadcast journalism after just three days. Explaining her rapid exit, Kournikova cited the awkwardness of interviewing fellow players and--if this makes sense to you--her overeating on the sidelines. Well, she could always fall back on her competitive tennis career. No, seriously. Maybe she could.

Egg-tion Hero

At a rally in Long Beach, Calif., musclebound gubernatorial hope-ful ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER was attacked by an anonymous egg-wielding assailant. If his attacker had been hoping to express a political opinion, the attempt backfired, since he or she succeeded only in getting Schwarzenegger yet more publicity--"This guy owes me bacon now," he quipped--as well as giving him an excuse to take off his jacket and show off his biceps. Schwarzenegger is now expected to travel to the past and terminate the chicken that laid the egg, thus erasing the entire incident.

THE MAN IN THE MASK

Director Christopher Nolan (Memento) is auditioning actors to play Batman in the next installment of the franchise. Here are a few names reported to be on the short list:

CHRISTIAN BALE

PROS Looked buff playing a serial killer in American Psycho. He should fill out that rubber suit nicely

CONS Hasn't proved he has leading-man charisma

ODDS 5-1

JAKE GYLLENHAAL

PROS He's Hollywood's It boy!

CONS Nobody seems to know exactly why (did you see Moonlight Mile?). Plus his name is really hard to pronounce

ODDS 4-1

JOSHUA JACKSON

PROS He's funny, likable and handsome, and he has a built-in fan base (he played Pacey on Dawson's Creek)

CONS He played Pacey on Dawson's Creek

ODDS 3-1

CILLIAN MURPHY

PROS Murphy (28 Days Later) is Irish, just like that Colin Farrell fellow--and we hear he's pretty popular

CONS Cillian who? What, they couldn't get Colin Farrell?

ODDS 9-1