People

By Lev Grossman

BEDTIME STORIES Is there anything this woman can't do--except retire, that is? At 44--an age when Christina Aguilera will be sitting on her porch knitting thong underwear--MADONNA has a new album, American Life, due out in April, and she just signed a deal with Penguin for a series of five kids' books. The first, The English Roses, will be published in September; it recounts the adventures of a red fox and a little prince. Madonna left her writing garret long enough to pose for a 44-page photo essay in April's W magazine.

BASEBALL'S BOOMER STARTS SOME RUMORS Hard-throwing, hard-drinking Yankees pitcher DAVID (BOOMER) WELLS is causing a ruckus with a tell-all memoir due out this week, Perfect I'm Not! In 1998 Wells threw a perfect game--hence the title--but in Perfect I'm Not! he says he did it "half drunk, with bloodshot eyes, monster breath and a raging, skull-rattling hangover" after a night spent partying with the cast of Saturday Night Live. He also claims that "between 25% and 40%" of Major League players use steroids. Wells, who says he may soften up some passages before the book hits stores, was 0-1 in preseason action last week with an ERA of 9.00. Get that man some beer and steroids!

SO HAPPY TOGETHER Mom! Dad! They're fighting again! Yes, that's BILL CLINTON and BOB DOLE arguing on your TV screen, but you're not stuck in a deadly Star Trek time loop. It's 60 Minutes, where for the next 10 weeks Dole and Clinton will engage in a series of mini-debates modeled on the show's old "Point/Counterpoint" segments. "This won't be a mud fight," says Clinton, cannily keeping open the possibility of an ex-presidential mud-wrestling franchise on Fox. If the Bill-and-Bob matchup is a ratings winner, could a revival of the electric chemistry of the 1988 Bush-Dukakis debates be far behind?

REALITY CHECK NEWS FROM THE WORLD OF UNSCRIPTED TELEVISION

The next season of MTV's The Real World is set to start filming in Paris. The inevitable displays of making out may not ease tensions between the U.S. and France, but if PUCK, famously booted from the show, somehow ends up being tried in the Hague, it will be worth it.

The star of Season 3 of The Bachelor will be hunky ANDREW FIRESTONE, 27, an heir to the Firestone tire fortune. Judging by his picture, his smile will be enough to make women roll over and burst into flames. Just kidding, folks.

On Married by America, the audience is supposed to pick a couple to get hitched. But it turns out one contestant, former Playboy model DENISE L., is already wed. Upside: she may, if Fox doesn't ax her, attract coveted Mormon viewers.