Onward to 2004!

By Bruce Handy/Glynis Sweeny

The Democratic National Committee's fallout shelter...

So who are we going to find to take us forward in 2004?

Dick Gephardt?

No way. He lost the House.

Tom Daschle?

Lost the Senate.

There's always Al Gore.

Lost the presidency.

Joe Lieberman?

Come on. The guy lost the VICE presidency.

Can't we find just ONE Democrat who's won something significant, who can be our standard bearer and move our agenda forward?

Anybody in there? It's me--Nobel Peace Prize winner Jimmy Carter.

O.K. I guess it's time to take the cyanide pills.

Come on, fellas. Let me in. I'll show you my medal. It's SHINY.

What ABOUT Gephardt? I mean, technically he didn't lose the House. He just didn't win it.

Um...I forgot to tell you. Our agenda? It got eaten by the giant ants.