Highlights, Lowlights And Cooter

By James Poniewozik, Joel Stein and Josh Tyrangiel

INTEREST GROUP LEAST LIKELY TO BE AWARE OF ITS LOSS New Mexico voters rejected a ballot proposal to end the state constitution's prohibition on voting by "idiots and insane persons." They can, however, still run for office.

MOST REDUNDANT BALLOT INITIATIVE Nevadans voted to pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, which was not legal in Nevada.

MOST CLOSELY ALIGNED VOTING BLOC Loretta, below right, and Linda Sanchez of California became the first sisters to serve together in Congress (the first brothers served together in 1853). The Sanchezes may share a house in Washington, an arrangement that would undoubtedly be adapted into a network sitcom.

LEAST LIKELY TO BE INVITED HOME FOR THANKSGIVING The Kennedys have been defeated in only two general-election races, and Kathleen Kennedy Townsend lost both of them--a 1986 bid for Congress and this year's fight for Maryland Governor. Bob Ehrlich beat her to become the state's first Republican chief executive since Spiro Agnew.

WORST ARGUMENT THAT YOUR VOTE ACTUALLY MATTERS Officials in Florida's Broward County shrugged off a software glitch that left 103,222 votes uncounted because it did not affect any outcomes.

BEST PROOF THAT LIBERALISM IS DEAD--OR THAT THE YUPPIE QUEST FOR A CHEAPER LATTE TRUMPS POLITICS Voters in Berkeley, Calif., rejected a ballot measure that would have required coffee sold in the city to be organic or purchased from farmers for at least $1.26 per lb.

BEST EVIDENCE THAT THE WEST WING HAS LOST TOUCH WITH REALITY In last week's episode, not only did Democratic President Bartlet win in a landslide--the VNS exit polls worked.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS NOT TRUE ABOUT GEORGE W. BUSH ON ELECTION NIGHT?

a) Had a dinner for his 25th wedding anniversary

b) Stayed up until 1:30 a.m., past his usual bedtime of 9:30 p.m.

c) Made 30 congratulatory phone calls

d) Released Supreme Court from White House basement after getting word of brother Jeb's victory

ANSWER: D

MOST POLITICAL USE OF COOKIES SINCE HILLARY CLINTON Republican Roman Coleman, losing candidate in Colorado statehouse District 8, criticized his opponent for giving boxes of cookies to election workers.

MOST POLITICAL USE OF COOKIES SINCE COLORADO STATEHOUSE DISTRICT 8 From an ad for Bud's Best Cookies, in Birmingham, Ala., that aired during local election coverage: "Bud's cookies are conservative in price. But more importantly, they are liberal in taste."

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING IS THE NAME OF A NEW SOUTHERN SENATOR?

a) Saxby Chambliss

b) Ol' Jebediah Greevie

c) Boudreaux Boudreaux Golly

d) Shelby Eatenton Latcherie

ANSWER: A

AFTER THE DEMOCRATS' POOR SHOWING, GARY HART OFFERED TO:

a) Run for President

b) Become a Republican

c) Go on a boat trip with Condoleezza Rice

ANSWER: A

THE BALLAD OF BEN (COOTER) JONES, FROM THE DUKES OF HAZZARD, WHO LOST HIS CONGRESSIONAL RACE IN VIRGINIA BY 40 POINTS AFTER MOVING THERE WHEN HE LOST HIS SEAT IN GEORGIA

(To the theme of The Dukes of Hazzard)

Just a washed-up actor/Never meaning no harm/Ran for Congress in Georgia and showed all the crackers his charm/But he lost his next race/So he moved out of state/Landed in Virginny and opened a barbecue place/Ran for Congress again the only way he knew how/But that was a little bit more than the voters would allow.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING DID DAN RATHER NOT SAY ON ELECTION NIGHT?

a) "It's beginning to get exciting, as the Democrats' fingernails are starting to sweat"

b) "Two hands' worth of white knuckle still hanging 10"

c) "Tight as the pages in a book"

d) "Tight as a Botox smile"

e) "Twistier than two rattlers squirreling over a bobcat's weejum"

ANSWER: E