Letters

Making Time for a Baby

"Women should not have to choose between a family and a career. If two people want to raise a family, both must sacrifice equally." SARAH ELIZABETH GLEASON South Portland, Maine

Author Sylvia Ann Hewlett should be hailed as a hero for her enlightening book, Creating a Life: Professional Women and the Quest for Children, but instead she is being criticized as an anti-feminist [SOCIETY, April 15]. Please! Hewlett did not invent female biology; she only reports the facts, saying that at 27 a woman's chances of getting pregnant begin to decline. As a mother who had a child at age 30, I know that parenthood is all about making hard choices. Having a child is a lifestyle choice. If a woman is not willing to adjust her professional schedule to accommodate her biology, then maybe she should examine the reasons behind her motivation to have a child. ELLEN GOODMAN Glen Ridge, N.J.

Reasonable women will gladly sacrifice a rung or two on the ladder of success if having a family is truly a priority. It's really not any more complicated than that. Women have always paid a higher price when it comes to having children, and they always will. NANCY MIXELL Oxford, Ohio

Exactly what is the tragedy when self-centered career women who are over 40 discover that they have "forgotten" to have a baby? Isn't the world overpopulated already? Career choices, like life, are full of consequences, some good, some bad. I hope your article will persuade younger women to accept their choices and their consequences. REBECCA MOCCIARO Los Angeles

If at age 40 I find myself in a doctor's office, crying into a Kleenex, it won't mean I've lost my identity. Although society instructs us otherwise, parenthood or childlessness need not be the keystone of a woman's identity--just as neither is the foundation of a man's. CHRISTINE PELTON HAWKINS St. Louis, Mo.

Why is it that men can do whatever they want in their lives, but women have to second-guess every decision they make concerning their future? AMY BALDWIN Scottsdale, Ariz.

The panic I sometimes feel at my limited procreative shelf life often gives way to anger that I cannot control my ability to bear a child. Some of us are so adept at multitasking, we have come to believe that having children is a biological right. For those women who want children, the failure to have them not only teaches a sobering lesson in the limitations of science, it also provides a discomfiting look at one's own mortality. PAMELA MATHIASEN Los Angeles

If indeed the ticking biological clock for women is a real problem, then all members of society--men and women, the business world and stay-at-home parents--should be involved in discussing how best to balance work and home life. All parents should be supported in their decisions, regardless of gender. It's high time we stopped framing work-and-family discussions as women's issues. LORI EICKMANN Dublin, Calif.

Jaw-Jaw or War-War?

I am amazed at the hypocrisy of the American approach to terrorists [WORLD, April 15]. Would President Bush have negotiated with the enemy for the custody of Osama bin Laden or other al-Qaeda fighters? No. Then why does Bush expect Israel to negotiate with Yasser Arafat? SANDEEP SHOUCHE Westmont, Ill.

The demand that the Israelis deal with Arafat as the legitimate leader of the Palestinians must be dropped. The only chance we have for peace in the Middle East is for moderate Israelis to meet with the most moderate Palestinians, with the U.S. acting as an evenhanded, honest peace broker. This effort could be aided by moderate Arab leaders of countries such as Egypt, Jordan and Saudi Arabia. HENRY KROCHMAL Windsor, Conn.

Nuns and Abuse

Margaret Carlson wrote that if nuns had had a higher status during the years in which the sexual abuses by Roman Catholic priests were happening [ESSAY, April 15], "they might have prevented the cover-up." The sisters are often presented as working in concert with the priests to run the parish. But in the past, although the sisters did the difficult day-to-day work, they were not recognized or listened to by the hierarchy with anything but condescension. KATE SWIATEK Decatur, Ga.

Why would any child go to a nun to report abuse? No kid in my old parish school would have--the nuns would have just heaped more punishment on you. The nuns were the primary abusers. They injured many a child physically and emotionally. Then they hid behind their habit and called it discipline. It has been 40 years, and I still wake up with nightmares, fearing I am trapped in that classroom. My only regret is that I did not confront one of those nuns when I had the chance. KAREN HEMINGWAY Highland, Ind.

Mad Daddy

MTV has pulled a surprise out of the proverbial hat with its "reality sitcom" The Osbournes [TELEVISION, April 15]. How odd to see rock music's "Prince of Darkness," Ozzy Osbourne, taking out the trash and just being what he is, a husband and a father. I tune in to watch Ozzy handle the day-to-day rigors that we all face. From trying unsuccessfully to discipline his brood to cleaning up after the pets and dealing with his neighbors, Ozzy gives us a look at a superstar's life as it happens. We see that even with money, fame and fortune, everyone has the same problems. Ironically, Ozzy seems to be the sane one in his household. Thanks to Ozzy, his family and MTV. RICK GIANNINI Bristol, R.I.

For Suckers Only

Nicotine gum, nicotine patches and now nicotine lollipops to help people stop smoking--how droll [HEALTH, April 15]. Would anyone recommend gum, patches or lollipops laced with heroin for heroin addicts or with alcohol for alcoholics? I think not. The only way to kick any of these habits is to make a firm decision to quit cold turkey. Do your suffering for a while, and then get on with your life. You will never completely get over the addiction, but you will be better for having quit. I know I am. HENRY A. DREGER JR. San Francisco

Where's Papa?

Forget about the ticking biological clock and the demands of a career. Many women who commented on "Making Time for a Baby" [SOCIETY, April 15] insisted that the biggest obstacle to having a child was the lack of a suitable partner. "My girlfriends and I all turn 30 this year, and despite normal, healthy dating lives, none of us are anywhere near to finding Mr. Right," wrote Heidi Reinholdt of New York City. "If we end up childless, it will not be because of our jobs but because we chose not to settle for Mr. Second Best." Chicagoan Rochelle Kopp agreed that "more attention needs to be paid to the role of men. Why do they fear successful women? Why are they afraid of commitment? Why, during their 20s and early 30s--the best time for their female peers to have babies--are so many men too immature to take on the responsibility?" And Meredith Lair of Lemont, Pa., craved something more than our reporting could deliver. "Most women I know are thoroughly aware of the fertility difficulties we face, so the statistics you highlighted felt like a rebuke, a slap in the face. It would have been a lot more helpful if you had included a decent single man shrink-wrapped with the magazine."

Correction

Our brief item describing militant Middle Eastern organizations [WORLD, April 8] included information on the group Islamic Jihad in which we identified its head, Ramadan Shallah, incorrectly as "a former Florida State University professor." Shallah taught at the University of South Florida.