People

By Josh Tyrangiel

WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE STUDY BREAK?

JENNA BUSH has had a rather eventful freshman year. Her dad got elected President; she used the Secret Service to help bail a drunken buddy out of jail; and last week the University of Texas frosh got busted for underage drinking. Whole seasons of Felicity have been woven out of less. Bush, 19, was cited at about 1 a.m. Friday for drinking from a glass of beer in Cheers' Shot Bar in Austin. Alcohol possession by a minor is a class C misdemeanor in Texas, punishable by a fine or community service. "We respect the privacy of this young woman, and we're not going to comment on her personal life," said Noelia Rodriguez, spokeswoman for Laura Bush. Jenna Bush was similarly circumspect. When reached at home, thanks to a number on a copy of the citation rather obliviously faxed to inquiring reporters by the Austin police department, she said simply, "I don't want to talk to you. I'm sorry." Might be time to get a new phone number.

Silence Is Golden

The United Nations may be trying to send the elderly a message. For next year's World Assembly on Aging, the U.N. chose a mime as its spokesman and goodwill ambassador. "I do not know why they chose me," said MARCEL MARCEAU before a performance in Connecticut last week. "They asked me. I didn't ask for it. Maybe because I'm an example of vitality?" Indeed, Marceau, 78, still performs his sad, white-faced act 200 times a year. He's less clear on what his U.N. duties will be. "I don't know. What did Muhammad Ali do for peace when he was supposed to be a spokesman for peace?" Good point. One thing Marceau is sure of is that the elderly will not go without a voice just because a man famed for his silence is their spokesman. "I speak. I said to people I should be a basketball player who says, 'Oh, we didn't win, we'll win next time.' No, of course I speak." Speaking clearly is another matter.

BIG OL' BUTT NOT INCLUDED

"Just because you dress sexy doesn't mean you're a bad girl. It just means you know how to dress." Another withering tautology from JENNIFER LOPEZ, who, not content with stardom in the music and film worlds, announced last week the formation of her J. Lo by Jennifer Lopez fashion line. "It's time for the world to wear my look," said Lopez, causing grandmothers the world over to cluck at the irony that Lopez, famous for wearing next to nothing, is hawking clothes. The J. Lo line is backed by Andy Hilfiger, brother of Tommy, and designs ranging from a $20 J. Lo T shirt to an $850 leather mini are expected in stores in time for the 2001 Christmas season. An eyewear and accessories line could follow. Lest anyone think this is purely a commercial venture, the line is spurred by Lopez's deep, personal desire to outfit ladies with large backyards. "It is difficult for women who are curvaceous to find clothes in stores that fit. The voluptuous woman is almost ignored." Just as Jennifer has been ignored.

ONE WAY TO BEAT FOX NEWS

If you had to pick a CNN personality to see naked--and remember, Bernie Shaw's retired--you could do worse than ANDREA THOMPSON, the former NYPD Blue actress turned newswoman who was just brought on as a CNN Headline News anchor. Luckily for you, the same week CNN announced it had plucked Thompson from a post in Albuquerque, N.M., nude stills from her early work in A Gun, a Car, a Blonde and Manhattan Gigolo turned up on the Internet, as well as some art-ish nudes she did for a magazine called Black and White. Rupert Murdoch's New York Post (he also, coincidentally, owns CNN rival Fox News) delicately blared HEADLINE NUDES from its front page, while Thompson explained, "I did this as a piece of art, and I make no apologies for the creative decisions I've made as an artist in my 20-year career." A CNN statement said, "We accept Andrea Thompson's explanation regarding the photos in question." Now about those Lou Dobbs nudes...