Christmas with Tevye

By Sarah Vowell

Christmas comes but once a year, and as we all know, it is a very long day. Especially when someone who shall remain my sister doesn't let a little thing like adulthood stop her from shrieking over the contents of her fluffy red stocking at the crack of dawn. And then imagine, if you will, a holiday sans liquor; I don't have to since my parents don't drink. So, 6:30 a.m. wakeup + ginger ale = 4 p.m. matricide.

I know we're supposed to think that the entertainment industry promotes violence in children, but it has been my experience that Hollywood saves my mother's life year after year. My family's favorite Christmas tradition is not the turkey or the presents but going to the movies. There aren't any rules about what we'll see, though I think the heartwarming decision in 1987 to go to Throw Momma from the Train (speaking of matricide) has certainly influenced our choices in years since. Familial resentment should be the subtext of a holiday, not the text. Avoid any story line that requires you to lean across your father during the movie and whisper, "I love you, Mom."

The best bets are films that might get Oscar nominations for costume design, like Titanic. This can be tricky, though, because it's hard to maintain holiday cheer when, say, Baroness von Blixen contracts syphilis in Out of Africa. Or when you come home from the war scenes in 1990's Havana and then watch Marines on the news spending Christmas in the Saudi desert before bombing Iraq. And Nixon, like Nixon, was kind of a bummer.

The all-time greatest movie we ever went to on Christmas was a revival of Fiddler on the Roof. Even though, technically, Jesus' birthday is the date in history that divides Christians and Jews, spending Jesus' birthday with Tevye and clan was our holiest holiday-film choice. Granted it is a little disconcerting on Christmas to watch a Russian official refer to the Jews as "Christ killers," or a gang of creepy gentiles boot Tevye and his fellow villagers from the only home they've ever known. Motel the Tailor complains, "We've been waiting for the Messiah all our lives. Wouldn't this be a good time for him to come?"

Fiddler on the Roof is the perfect picture to see for a family with only teenage daughters. Tevye, who has no sons, sarcastically calls his five girls "five blessings." The film tracks the accelerating rebellion of the three eldest, all of whom choose to marry for love, thwarting the efforts of the cranky old matchmaker. It is my dream that someone will someday make a sequel. At the end of Fiddler, Tevye and his wife are about to take their two youngest girls to New York City. If the first three were such headaches in the Russian village, can you imagine the damage these two future flappers of America could do? Fiddler 2 is one Christmas film my family would definitely see. After all, it's our--cue music--tradition.

Apparently, though, traditions are made to be broken. This year I thought sure our movie choice would be Jim Carrey's The Grinch, what with all those Christmasy costumes. But Mom has her heart set on Dude, Where's My Car?

Sarah Vowell can be heard on public radio's This American Life