What Will They Think Of Next?

By Josh Tyrangiel

UNBREAKABLE BULB INVENTOR: GENERAL ELECTRIC Light bulbs last longer these days, that is, if you can get them into the socket before accidentally breaking their delicate shell. GE's Saf-T-Gard incandescent bulb is the first one that's completely shatterproof. Its Teflon coating means the glass may crack, but the pieces stay together.

BUILDING A BETTER BACKPACK INVENTORS: ED KOIS, DAVID GILMOUR, SCOTT CUMMINGS A few years ago, David Gilmour, 60, a patient with back problems, came to the office of physiatrist Ed Kois and told him he wanted to climb a mountain. Kois told Gilmour he was crazy, but Kois, Gilmour and Cummings started working on the Back Balancer, a 10-in.-wide oval-shaped pad that, when retrofitted to a normal backpack, acts as a spine-supporting brace. The pad pulls on the abdomen, creating a hydraulic lift to save wear on back muscles. Kois' patient raved about the device, and outdoor outfitter Kelty snatched it up.

NO MORE JUNGLE ROT INVENTOR: SUMNER BARENBERG If you have ever opened a box of fruit or vegetables only to discover a carton of penicillin, Microsphere is the nontoxic microbial biocide for you. Packaged in perishables and clothing containers as a fine powder, Microsphere is inactive until humidity hits. Then, like a chemistry teacher's long-aborning dream, it turns into a gas that safely fights off bacteria and mold.

LOOK AT THE BABY! INVENTOR: VOLUMETRICS MEDICAL IMAGING, INC. For years, ultrasound has given expectant parents a preview of their baby's sex. Soon, with new modifications, parents will be able to see if Baby looks like Mom, Dad or old chinless Uncle Ray. New 3-D Ultrasound, or Real-Time Volumetric Rendering, developed at Duke Medical Center, displays three-dimensional moving images rather than a mere cross section. Ultrasound will also help surgeons view the entire heart and its chambers, helping them navigate inside the organ during surgery.

COOL PUPS INVENTOR: JO WIDNESS If dogs had thumbs, they would probably stop drinking out of the toilet. They also might turn on the air conditioning when their owner leaves them in a hot car. Until evolution, there's the Chilly Dog, a car system with a preprogrammed temperature setting that automatically starts a car's engine and turns on the AC when things get too hot. The vehicle runs for a programmed period of time and then shuts off. The process repeats whenever the threshold temperature is reached.

CLIP-ON SHOE DEODORIZER INVENTOR: TANITA CORP. The Deodorant Light for Shoes has two tiny lamps that beam safe levels of ultraviolet light into shoes to eliminate isovaleric acid--the cause of the disease more commonly known as stinky feet. It was developed for a Japanese market obsessed with cleanliness; each 3-min. treatment eliminates 86.7% of acids. That should do it.

HOME-ROASTED COFFEE INVENTOR: SWISSMAR In their reckless pursuit of the freshest cup of coffee, java jocks are worse than drug addicts. Alpenrost, the first home coffee roaster, could be the ultimate enabler on the coffee lover's road to destruction. Pour in green coffee beans (Swissmar supplies them), press a button and 25 minutes later you have fresh-roasted coffee beans. If that's too long to wait, check yourself into a clinic.

WHEELS ON WATER INVENTOR: SBK ENGINEERING Somewhere there are people who have always wanted to ride their mountain bikes on water. On the theory that no demand shall go unsupplied, Italian company SBK offers the Shuttle-Bike Kit. Ride to the edge of a lake or stream; within 10 minutes, inflate two pontoons with a specially designed air pump and attach the gear with a series of hooks. While you're at it, try to think of something even more ridiculous for the SBK folks to invent.

CANCER-FREE CALLING INVENTOR: CALGON CARBON Studies on the potential dangers of cellular-phone radiation remain inconclusive, but WaveZorb, a thumbnail-size piece of carbon cloth that costs about eight bucks, could make them moot. Tests show that WaveZorb, adapted from military use, soaks up nearly 99% of microwave radiation--and doesn't interfere with performance. Each adhesive-backed unit lasts about six months and can be trimmed to fit any cell-phone earpiece. Too bad it can't screen calls as effectively.

PASSWORD REPLACEMENT INVENTOR: BIOLINK Your brain is big, but it has better things to do than remember an eBay password. Thumbprints, however, have nothing to do--ever. So Biolink's U-Match Mouse comes with a thumb scanner and easy-to-install software that renders passwords obsolete. Up to 10 thumbprints can be held in memory at any time, and parents can limit the access of younger thumbs.

NOW HEAR THIS INVENTOR: GEOFF BALL Hearing-impaired since he was 8, Geoff Ball waited years for someone to create an implantable hearing device. With none forthcoming, he developed one himself. Vibrant Soundbridge is an external processor linked to a skull-mounted internal receiver. Unlike standard hearing aids, which merely amplify sound, the Soundbridge directly vibrates the bones in the middle ear for a more natural sound quality that clarifies background noise and nearly eliminates feedback.

IS SHE OR ISN'T HE? INVENTOR: MERCK Perhaps you didn't know this, but turkeys are sold by gender--toms as cutlets and deli meats, hens as whole birds. So turkey breeders must separate hatchlings at birth. But genetic breeding has made it nearly impossible to tell the difference without, uh, checking the goods, a messy process at best. The Merck team patented Gender-Specific Fading Down, meaning boys are born with black feathers, girls with brown. The colors fade as the turkeys grow.

INTERNET FOR DUMMIES INVENTOR: MYSMART.COM There are people who still don't know how to use the Internet. Online stock-trading firms everywhere feel it is vital to get these folks online. Mysmart.com's smart mouse-pad system is the See 'n Say of Internet browsing. Icons on the mouse pad point the way (mainly to e-commerce sites) for those who just can't deal with Netscape.

WIRELESS WASHING INVENTOR: ARISTON CORP. The technology of laundry isn't sexy. Wireless laundry, however, just might be. Italian manufacturer Ariston's Margarita 2000 is a washing machine equipped with a wireless transmitter for remote programming via cell phone or the Internet, so clothes can be washed and ready when you get home from the store. The folding chip, sadly, is still years away.

COOL LAPS INVENTOR: RAY NOVOTNY For the literal-minded few who insist on actually propping their laptop computers on their laps, the consequence can be an extreme case of warm thighs. The Laptop Soft-Seat, made of lightweight aluminum, absorbs the excess heat and keeps computers and knees cool. So does a table, but then that was invented a while ago.

PRENASAL DRIP INVENTOR: MURRAY GROSSAN, M.D. Kids are always sticking stuff up their nose, so they might as well try something good for 'em, right? The Grossan Nasal Irrigator, a (yikes) pulsating nasal douche, attaches to a WaterPik to clean the area where a common cold becomes a raging flu. Yes, a few people have complained of discomfort, but nasal irrigation is a staple of traditional Indian medicine, and it does improve ciliary function and keep sinus tissue moist.

SPEEDING UP THE GENE POOL INVENTORS: GAVIN MACBEATH AND STUART SCHREIBER Sequencing of the human genome may be the greatest breakthrough in human history, but it is just a beginning. To get to the good stuff, like gene therapy and hyperefficient drugs, scientists need to analyze the chemistry of 50,000-100,000 proteins encoded by our genes. But proteins are notoriously complex and finicky (a little heat or mishandling, and they break down like Scarlett O'Hara) and need to be treated gingerly in a process that was expected to take decades. Harvard biochemists MacBeath and Schreiber have found a way to speed things up with Protein Microarrays. Using a robotic arm and a tiny quill, they will allow researchers to deposit 10,000 functional proteins onto a single microscope slide and quickly probe how each interacts with other proteins and potential drugs.

EASILY RECYCLED PAPER INVENTOR: TOSHIBA To recycle printed paper by removing ink chemically is expensive. But by reversing the procedure used to create thermal paper (the waxy stuff used in old fax machines and cash-register receipts), Toshiba engineers figured out a way to make Disappearing Ink, which vanishes with a blast of heat. There goes another excuse for not recycling.

GUT CHECK INVENTOR: GIVEN IMAGING Innerspace was a lousy movie, but it had a nice idea. If we could see inside the human body, it would be a lot easier to pinpoint exactly what was wrong. The Given Diagnostic Imaging System is a camera tucked inside a tiny capsule that, when swallowed, takes a sci-fi jaunt through the body, beaming detailed color images to a patient-worn belt that are then downloaded onto a computer for analysis. It's cool--and currently being tested overseas--but FDA approval is still years away, and so far doctors have been plagued by an inability to maneuver the capsule. We believe Martin Short is available.

WASHING WATER INVENTOR: SURBEC-ART ENVIRONMENTAL Surfactant Enhanced Subsurface Remediation sounds a tad complicated. It's basically just cleaning dirty water. SESR is a process that begins when surfactants, nontoxic elements used in soap, are pumped into a groundwater supply contaminated with oil. They effectively wash the aquifer clean and are then recovered and reused.

BARK, BUT NO BITE INVENTOR: ROBERT FAIRALL Dogs are great theft deterrents; they also tend to smell bad and demand Richard Simmons levels of affection. The Barking Bone aims to scare away the bad guys while still keeping canine-hating homeowners sane. Fairall implanted a motion sensor inside a giant, apparently gnawed, dog bone made of solid resin. When the sensor is tripped, a sound chip emits a low growl followed by a torrent of ferocious barking.