Sarah Jessica Parker

By Joel Stein

Sarah Jessica Parker is host of the MTV Movie Awards on June 8; HBO's Sex and the City starts June 4.

Q. How bad does David Letterman want you?

A. I could flip-flop that question. How bad do I want Letterman? The only conversations we've had are on the show. I like to think he's fond of me.

Q. You're like his new Teri Garr.

A. From your mouth to God's ears.

Q. On Sex and the City, how come Kim Cattrall always draws the short straw when you decide who's going to get naked in the episode?

A. Fielder's choice. I've never done nudity in my life.

Q. Me neither.

A. Then you can understand why I wouldn't want to start at this late age.

Q. I found a signed Sarah Jessica Parker rubber duck on eBay for $50. Tell me I wasn't suckered in.

A. I don't think I've ever signed a rubber duck in my life.

Q. A couple of weeks ago, your dork of a husband, Matthew Broderick, rode by me on a bike with a straw basket.

A. He has an old-fashioned bike from Amsterdam. Is that dorky?

Q. Why don't you drop the zero and get with the hero?

A. You're so sweet. Come live with me. It's no box of chocolates. I'm flawed.

Q. That's not convincing.

A. I do laundry very late at night, and the agitation cycle shakes the house.

Q. You made that sound pretty good.

A. I'm a hand washer. It's obsessive.

Q. I bet you're sexy when you wash your hands.

A. I'm impatient. I have a low threshold for mediocrity. Very low.

Q. Then it wouldn't work between us.

--By Joel Stein