Pancake Politics

By Melissa August, Val Castronovo, Matthew Cooper, Daniel Levy, Ellin Martens, Michele Orecklin, Julie Rawe, Owen Thomas and Josh Tyrangiel

BAUER'S BIGGEST FLOP

Religious conservative and G.O.P. presidential hopeful Gary Bauer finally dropped out of the primary race last Friday. Something to do with his sub-1% showing in New Hampshire, said the pundits. Aficionados of his star turn at last Monday's Bisquick pancake contest know better. Here's the play-by-play:

1 Bauer, who once said making pancakes was his hidden talent, sends a doughy orb skyward

2 The trajectory of the flapjack takes him dangerously close to the edge of the 4-ft. riser

3 Bauer tumbles off and disappears behind a curtain, where George W. Bush says: Oh, oh! Here comes Bauer.

4 A concerned staff member searches for him, as Bauer's red face pops back through the curtain

5 Bauer jumps back on the stage with the spatula (but not the pan) and declares: I'm a fighter!