Kooky Kandidates

By Melissa August, Michelle Derrow, Aisha Durham, Daniel S. Levy, Lina Lofaro, David Spitz and Chris Taylor

When Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah announced his intention to run for President, the stalwart Republican claimed, "I'll be the longest of long shots." But alas, judging from the fringe candidates we looked at, he's not even that

LAWRENCE JAMES CLARK Republican, North Carolina Resume: U.S. Army Relevant experience: Honorary deputy sheriff of Hardin County; member of Optimist Club Fraternal Organization, American Legion Platform: Reduce criminal appeals and expedite sentencing; improve literacy; see that Native Americans get their due

CHARLES R. DOTY Democrat, Oklahoma Resume: Pastor, dog breeder Relevant experience: Precinct inspector and county chairman who has run in every presidential election since 1984 Platform: Not announced

ROBERT WILLIAM GOTTIER No party, California Resume: Inventor (51 inventions, no patents) Relevant experience: "I have lived long" Platform: Term limits, campaign-finance reform

AL HAMBURG Independent, Wyoming Resume: 3rd Infantry Division in Korea, house painter Relevant experience: Lists nine children, including "one in Japan and two unknown" Platform: Stop illegal-alien invasions from Mexico and Central America

LARRY HINES Openly gay Libertarian candidate, California Resume: Self-educated, legal secretary, dancer Relevant experience: U.S. Marine Corps Platform: Privatize education, withdrawal of U.S. from U.N.

LESLIE A. LUMMIS Independent, Guam Resume: Entrepreneur, manufacturer, homebuilder, author Relevant experience: Lieutenant, U.S. Naval Reserve Platform: Abolish taxes: "It would be like Christmas every day!"

MICHAEL MANNICHEWITZ No known party, New York Resume: Lawyer, notary, judge, security guard Relevant experience: Stated jobs include biblical agent for Noah, Joshua, Job, Jesus, Eleazar; spy for Britain, France, U.S. and Vatican City; owner, Barnum & Bailey Circus; former King Platform: Not announced

MICHAEL TRACY MILLER Democrat, Florida Resume: St. Augustine Vocational Technical School, Poetry Guild, Winn-Dixie Stores Relevant experience: Class president, Elvis Club president Platform: Not announced

RANDY OWENS Independent, Virginia Resume: Cook, plumber, retail sales, community-center recreational aide Relevant experience: Admits he's "not exactly overloaded"; elected president of second-grade class; lifetime of trying to beat the system Platform: "It is time for the common people to take back control of the country"

Source: Project Vote Smart