Notebook

By Kathleen Adams, Tam Gray, Susan Horsburgh, Daniel Levy, Lina Lofaro, Jeffrey Ressner, Flora Tartakovsky and Chris Taylor

WINNERS & LOSERS

[WINNERS]

BARNEY FRANK The de facto Dem leader had the best line: "What did the President touch and when did he touch it?"

HOWARD COBLE Sometimes a crusty old Southern pol is worth all the blow-dried young ones

MARY BONO Committee's only nonlawyer got Starr to open up about his feelings. Camera loves her

[& LOSERS]

BOB INGLIS Still smarting from lost Senate bid. Sounded too much like grammar school teacher

LINDSEY GRAHAM His folksy wisdom sounded good at first, but by the end it was just plain goofy

ROBERT WEXLER Saw it as his solemn duty to appear on Crossfire as many times as possible

THE GREAT LOGO SHIFT OF '98

Nothing like the end of the millennium to make corporate marketing types feel like a mascot makeover. This year we've seen, among others, a new Piggly Wiggly, Colonel Sanders, Ronald McDonald and an oddly familiar Alka Seltzer boy. (That's James Carville, with wife Mary Matalin, in TV commercials for the antacid.) We asked the suits to explain the reasons behind the new look.

"To create an emotional connection between Pegasus and our customers." --Mobil

"Our mascot needed to be more contemporary and authentic. The change reflects our new, bold attitude... We're a company on the move." --Red Robin restaurants (Did he have to lose the beer?)

"So we could capture his spunky personality, his homespun humor and his folksy phrases." --KFC

"For kids."--McDonald's

"Consumers told us...that he should have a healthier, less portly look... We slimmed him down 12%." --Piggly Wiggly grocery chain

Carville isn't really the new Alka Seltzer mascot. But he sure looks as if he could be.

YOU NEED MORE AID? ABOUT THAT RESTAURANT...

Luckily, becoming an international laughingstock is not an impeachable offense. The Lewinsky matter is causing some allies abroad to, well, poke fun:

--The town of Pattaya in Thailand, known mostly for its sleazy go-go clubs, beaches and nearby golf courses, last month became home to a fancy new bar called Lewiinski's that will soon offer dinner fare including Ken Starr pasta and Linda Trippburgers.

--In Sydney, Australia, managers at Madame Tussaud's traveling wax exhibition had to sew up the fly on the waxwork of Bill Clinton after visitors kept unzipping it. "Basically we needed to keep checking his fly every few hours because people keep taking photos of him with his zipper down," says Tussaud's sales manager, Joanne Ashby. People also had photos taken with the President, some kneeling before him.

--Neapolitan craftsmen are offering Clinton and Lewinsky figurines as part of a traditional nativity scene. Says craftsman Giuseppe Ferrigno: "I like to include personalities who have been prominent during the past year. No one can deny that is true of Clinton and Lewinsky."

60 SECOND SYMPOSIUM

TOM, DICK AND MARYLAND According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Baltimore, Md., had the highest rates of gonorrhea and syphilis of any American city in 1997. We asked some Baltimore notables to explain why their city had so much unsafe sex.

JOHN WATERS, actor, director, writer: "Unlike other urban centers where everybody is too cool to have sex, Baltimore is a more erotically spontaneous city, and that can lead to, well, annoying and nationally embarrassing consequences."

MAYOR KURT SCHMOKE: "Statistics for this year indicate these high rates of infection are declining. Beginning early in the new year, we intend to release the name and picture of one person a month convicted of soliciting for sex on the streets of our city. While foreign policy experts are worried about 'no-fly zones' in certain areas, I want to create 'no-open-fly zones' in certain areas of my city."

WILLIAM H. KEELER, Archbishop of Baltimore: "Highlighting the problem will help combat the spread of disease. We teach that chastity outside of marriage--our young people call it the True Love Waits program--is the only real way to show respect for ourselves and others. More than 7,000 of our youth have made such a written pledge."

BOD SQUAD

NYPD BUTT In the Marines, recruits get pinned. In fraternities, members get hazed. On NYPD Blue, new cast members show their buttocks. Rookie Rick Schroder was no exception.

Number of episodes until we got to see their bottoms:

David Caruso 1 Dennis Franz* 28 Sharon Lawrence 28 Jimmy Smits 7 Kim Delaney 1 Rick Schroder 2

*Excepting a quick flash in first episode when he got shot in the tush

Source: NYPD Blue

SEASON'S GREEDY

THE SPIRIT OF TAKING Some people just don't get into the Christmas mood. In Hickory, N.C., a woman and her children were planning to spend their first night in a new apartment when someone swiped their tree, presents, Christmas stockings and candy. In Layton, Utah, a thief absconded with a Salvation Army kettle, then collected all day on his own and pocketed the take. A Grinch in Madison, Wis., made off with 10 van loads of toys donated by the Marines. Meanwhile, a student in Frostburg, Md., so liked the tree that stood alongside the police station that he cut it down and set it up in his home without even removing the ornaments made by local children. Talk about humbug.

NUMBERS

40 Percentage of genes found in the roundworm that are also found in humans

19,099 Number of genes in the roundworm vs. an estimated 100,000 in humans

762 Number of roundworms that would fit around a pair of size 30 jeans

83 Percentage of pet owners who say they're "likely" to risk their lives for their pets

$1,000 An amount most owners say they would be willing to spend to save their pet's life

6 million Number of stray cats and dogs put down every year in the U.S.

47.3 million Viewers who saw some or all of the Nixon impeachment hearings on network TV in 1974

1.6 million Projected number of viewers who watched the Clinton impeachment hearings this week on CNN, MSNBC or Fox News

34 Percentage of Americans who have "not read anything" about these hearings

Sources: National Human Genome Research Institute, American Animal Hospital Assoc., American Humane Assoc., Nielsen, CNN/USA Today poll