People

By Michele Orecklin

ZONKERS! IS THAT YOU, DUKE?

Is your Ziggy tea cozy beginning to fray? Your Wizard of Id pinking shears a little dull? Don't reach for that Dilbert catalog. This week, the cast of Doonesbury will debut on mugs, tumblers and T shirts at Starbucks around the U.S. "I've always avoided merchandising because it seemed at odds with the philosophical point of view of the strip," says GARRY TRUDEAU, who created Doonesbury 28 years ago. But now, the artist has joined forces with the coffee conglomerate to raise money to fight illiteracy; with all net proceeds of the items will go to charity. But not any started by Mr. Butts.

KEEPING HIS APPOINTED ROUNDS

KARL MALONE is down with his fellow workers, but perhaps didn't realize they include people working in TV. The Utah Jazz basketballer, an outspoken advocate for NBA players locked out by team owners, appeared on Live with Regis and Kathie Lee last week, passing picketing ABC workers to do so. Malone's agent said the hoopster was ignorant of the strike and was asleep when his driver wheeled through the picket line. A spokesman for the striking ABC employees said the union accepts the highly plausible explanation. Later, Malone visited Central Park to film a video for a virtual fishing game, a sport that could earn new fans if the strike goes on much longer.

PERHAPS THE TOM ARNOLD'S DIRTY SECRETS ISSUE?

In 1990, ROSEANNE sued the National Enquirer for publishing her stolen love letters. In February, she'll act as the tabloid's guest editor. "They're a very influential magazine," says the talk-show host, who apparently possesses a bountiful capacity for forgiveness. "I read stuff about myself in the Enquirer, and two years later, it shows up in the New York Times." Roseanne is no cub reporter. In 1996 she acted as a consultant for a "women's" issue of the New Yorker. "I've gone from the supposed highest literary peak to a real working-class one," says Roseanne, "but I'm more excited about the Enquirer because people actually read it and the cartoons are funnier." The comedian says she plans an item on the 10 most beautiful women (none under size 14) and, possibly, something on JonBenet Ramsey. Says she, ever modest: "I've got that one all solved."

AND TO THINK HE NEVER MADE IT TO ELECTED OFFICE

Last week New York mogul ABE HIRSCHFELD was charged with trying to have a former business partner killed, the latest twist in a career pockmarked with wild unpredictability. A brief resume:

1976: Spits on New York State Assembly speaker for refusing to back him for U.S. Senate

1986: Fails in his attempt to become Governor Mario Cuomo's running mate

1990: Spits on Miami Herald reporter for unflattering coverage

1993: Awarded ownership of the New York Post by a bankruptcy court; fires 72 employees, including editor Pete Hamill, only to rehire him within days. Loses control of Post 16 days later, after Rupert Murdoch buys it

1997: Indicted on 123 counts of tax fraud, case still pending; won the right to sue prosecutors

1998: Offers Paula Jones $1 million to drop an appeal of her lawsuit against the President

1998: Charged with giving an intermediary $75,000 to kill former business partner Stanley Stahl, a charge Hirschfeld denies