ONE MORE REASON TO HATE LAWYERS

By MICHAEL QUINN

William Kunstler is more than just a lefty defense attorney known for taking on unpopular clients like Colin Ferguson and Sheik Omar Abdel Rahman. He's also a poet, having just published a collection of sonnets, Hints & Allegations, which features works such as "The Trial of Marion Barry" ("When our officialdom has stooped so low/ We all must utter a resounding 'No!'") and "William H. Rehnquist" ("The thought that such a man could lead the Court/ Might well have made the Framers self-abort"). In fact, a number of prominent attorneys display bardic talent-as we discovered by repunctuating some of their pre-existing words:

THE VILLAGE IDIOT by Melvin Belli (from his closing statement in the trial of Jack Ruby for the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald)

In the old days we used to call him The Village Clown The Village Idiot Ah, what great sport ... Until something goes wrong ...

Then the cry goes out, "Whom do you suspect the most?" "Who would do an unusual thing like that?" The answer: The Village Idiot! The Village Clown! The Village Idiot! Jack Ruby!

A DOG'S WAIL by Johnnie Cochran (from his opening statement in the O.J. Simpson trial) There was no hostility No stalking No jealousy No nothing.

Stalkers don't go all across the United States Working Doing commercials Shooting movies Having a new girlfriend Going on with their life ...

They have to tell you That it is about a dog's wail When a man's life Is at stake

IF YOU LOOK LIKE A DUCK by Bruce Cutler (from remarks to a reporter on client John Gotti) If you look like a duck Quack like a duck Walk like a duck And the government calls you a duck Gee You must be a duck So if the government calls you a gangster Gee You must be a gangster And he's not.