Split Decisions

By DAVID ELLIS/

Canned Pineapple One year after his capture was hailed as a major victory in the drug war, Manuel Noriega sat in a Miami jail while his lawyers haggled with the government over the size of their legal fees and the issue of whether the former Panamanian dictator can get a fair trial.

Overdue Bill Tough-talking William Bennett spent nearly two years fighting narcotics from a Cabinet-level bully pulpit. But Bennett left his drug-war ) post so meekly and with such meager results that some wondered if the general had gone AWOL. Bennett then backed off from his acceptance of a job as head of the Republican National Committee, throwing the party into even greater disarray.

Hold the Phone The trustees of Washington's American University offered the school's former President, Richard Berendzen, a $1 million settlement after he pleaded guilty to making obscene calls to a female day-care worker and resigned his post. The deal caused such an uproar that a month later it was rescinded. But Berendzen still gets some $380,000 in severance pay and works as a full professor in the physics department (he's an astronomer) at about $70,000 a year.

All's Fair in Love and Show Biz Andrew Lloyd Webber brought Aspects of Love to Broadway in more ways than one. Critics found the hit musical's score overwrought and the plot unlikely. In real life, the composer highlighted one of love's least admirable aspects when he announced a separation from wife Sarah Brightman and helpfully included the name of his mistress in the press release.

With reporting by Linda Williams