One To Miss

By WALTER SHAPIRO

BEDROCK by Lisa Alther

Knopf; 325 pages; $19.95

How can I persuade you not to read Lisa Alther's new novel, Bedrock? Since her first novel, Kinflicks, remains a fondly remembered artifact of the 1970s fusion of feminism and sexual freedom, a conventional negative review might convey the unintended message that this book is merely disappointing. But shouting from the rooftops "This is drivel!" would make me seem like the kind of insensitive male who is rooting for the Donald in the divorce dispute of the decade.

Ideally, an emblematic passage would provide the unambiguous evidence of awfulness. Alther's opening three words ("An ivory BMW") and her initial description of her middle-aged, open-married Manhattan heroine ("Clea Shawn was a sophisticated woman . . . she'd been in love so often that her heart felt like a sponge mop") are certainly warning signs. So is Alther's early summary of the passions that bind two women "Elke felt like a pile of nails being pulled to pieces by a magnet residing inside Clea." But such maladroit introductory passages could be dismissed as the ironic setup for a comic romp. Far more convincing instead to plunge to the heart of the novel for this glimpse of Clea's development: "She burned to take this lad to bed and teach him what she'd learned in a lifetime of licentiousness. Yet Dack was in love with a woman his own age. Who was a lesbian and would give him nothing but grief."

Dack is short for Dacron. His brothers are Rayon and Orlon. They are among the neighbors Clea finds when she moves to a Vermont village and discovers that this seemingly idyllic countryside is filled with -- gasp! -- polyester. Down at Casa Loretta, they feature Spam burritos and Hawaiian pizza. The local postmistress steams open love letters, the Avon lady writes bad romance novels, and the sheriff makes pronouncements like "If you're not normal in this country, you get put in jail." Such rural New England cliches make Newhart seem like subtle satire, but Alther recycles them with such a tone of social superiority that the entire state of Vermont might sue for defamation.