Most of the Decade

Snappiest Salute. American political morality divided along the Oliver North fault line. While his superiors nodded approval, the rogue Marine lieutenant colonel diverted proceeds from arms sold to the Iranians to aid the contras and then lied to Congress. The resulting furor produced hearings, headlines and Ollie dolls. In the end, the colonel paid a fine of $150,000 and put in 1,200 hours of community service. Parade rest!

Most Brazen Fake. Hitler fans got an unexpected thrill when the German magazine Stern claimed to have uncovered the Fuhrer's secret diaries. At first historians, including Hugh Trevor-Roper (The Last Days of Hitler), authenticated the volumes, and several well-known publications goose-stepped along. But German and other experts soon concluded that the diaries were audacious forgeries.

Best Monopoly Game. The scandal of the homeless was hardly alleviated by the Department of Housing and Urban Development, where Secretary "Silent Sam" Pierce and his minions took care of the greedy and ignored the needy. Well- connected consultants, developers and mortgage companies collected hundreds of millions of dollars -- real ones -- in building contracts and foreclosure sales for low-income housing. They did not pass GO, or go to jail -- yet.

Biggest Bottom Line. Pentagon procurement officers gave a new meaning to the term royal flush. They paid a vendor $600 apiece for airplane toilet-seat covers that should have cost about $25. Other examples of military largesse: a $7,622 coffee machine, a $400 hammer and a $659.53 ashtray.

Sheikest Sting. In a 1980 operation called Abscam, FBI agents posing as wealthy Arabs pretended to be buying Government influence. The operatives filmed several dozen officials happily accepting bribes. Captured in livid black-and-white were a Senator and six Congressmen. In all, four legislators were sent to federal prison. Among the biggest fish hooked was New Jersey ( Senator Harrison ("Pete") Williams.

Most Unsportsmanlike Sportsmen. Strong of limb and yellow of eye, Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson lost his 1988 Olympic gold medal and his unofficial title as the world's fastest human being for using steroids. Carl Lewis, who won four gold medals in Los Angeles, now holds the record. Pete Rose, possibly the last living man to sport a Beatles haircut, was banned for life from the game he loves for betting on contests involving his own team. (He can apply for reinstatement in 1990.) The former Cincinnati Reds manager, who set the major league record for most career hits (4,192), admitted that he had a gambling problem. "I'm kinda lucky," said Rose. "I still have a good financial statement . . ."

First Abdication. Crowned in 1983 as the first black Miss America, Vanessa Williams became the first to relinquish the title in disgrace. Raunchy pictures of her had appeared in Penthouse, tarnishing the pageant's prim image. Williams was forced off the throne but was allowed to keep some $125,000 earned from her (fully clothed) public appearances.

Dirtiest Dealer. He was Wall Street's advance man of the greed decade. Slick securities speculator Ivan Boesky made millions with investors' money. The inside trader paid a record $100 million to settle civil charges for his high jinks and later was sentenced to three years in a federal prison. When he was recently released on a furlough, he emerged sporting a ragged Howard Hughes- style beard.

Most Prurient Preachers. Holy Hypocrisy! America's first televangelist Jim Bakker paid some $265,000 to cover up a sexual misadventure. Later he was convicted of misspending millions of followers' dollars. Rival preacher Jimmy Swaggart called the Bakker scandal a cancer. That was before Swaggart was photographed visiting a prostitute named Debra Murphree. According to Murphree, he was "kind of perverted . . . I wouldn't want him around my children."

Gamiest Campaign. A lot of politicians monkey around, but Gary Hart lost his cool, his credibility and his candidacy in the 1988 U.S. presidential race after his dalliance with model Donna Rice on a yacht called Monkey Business. "I've made some mistakes," Hart conceded. "Maybe big mistakes, but not bad mistakes." Said Rice: "Everybody's got some old bones in their closet, and now mine are out."