By Guy D. Garcia

Question: How does the richest man in America celebrate his 50th birthday? Answer: Very differently from you and me. Specifically, Gordon Peter Getty, son of the late oil magnate J. Paul, who is estimated to be worth over $2.2 billion, flew "some friends," as he put it, from San Francisco to New York last week for an advance bash (he actually passes the half-century mark next week. The highlight of the three-day fling was an evening at Lincoln Center's Alice Tully Hall, where Mezzo Soprano Mignon Dunn performed the New York City premiere of Amateur Composer Getty's The White Election. The 32-song cycle won accolades from the audience as well as Getty himself, who called it his "biggest moment yet as a composer." The whole event set him back a reported $120,000. But not to worry. His income for three days comes to roughly $680,000. Many happy returns.

It was billed by Promoter Don King as "a family affair," but the 500 reporters and photographers jammed together last week at New York City's Tavern on the Green were treated more like very distant relatives. Superstar Michael Jackson, 25, was announcing plans for a reunion album and a 40-city tour, starting in May, with his singing siblings. Sporting flashy threads and flashing shades, Michael and his five brothers--Jackie, 22, Jermaine, 28, Marlon, 26, Randy, 21, and Tito, 30--obligingly posed for the press but left the talking to King, who predicted that the act would be "the largest-grossing, largest-netting tour ever." Chances are that King isn't talking through his hair. Michael's Thriller LP had the longest run at the top of the charts this year.

His opening line was "Do you know who I am?" Well, of course, everyone did. At Cambridge University, Prince Edward was making his British stage debut in an undergraduate production of Arthur Miller's The Crucible, a political screed based on the 17th century witch trials in Salem, Mass. Though Edward, 19, was playing sexagenarian Deputy Governor Danforth, Director Nicholas Walmsley found that the supporting role fitted the princely thespian "like a glove." Edward was more sanguine when asked about his performance. "That's not for me to judge," he said. "Life is one big act. You may be nervous, but you don't show it."

"Culture, I've always said, is much like fertilizer in that for it to do any good, you have to spread it around." Vous can certainly guess who said that. Miss Piggy, but of course. And what she meant was "As a sow shows, so shall she reap." Thus, this week she will open an exhibit of some thoroughly priceless paintings at the Berry-Hill Galleries in New York City. Titled "Miss Piggy's Art Masterpieces: Treasures from the Kermitage Collection," the show will feature such dubious classics as Rodin's The Smooch, Botticelli's The Birth of You Know Who, and the piece of resistance, Da Vinci's The Mona Piga. Like other celebrated art collectors, Miss Piggy has already developed a philanthropic streak: the proceeds from the exhibit will be donated to the pediatrics department of New York City's Lenox Hill Hospital. With love from Moi.

--By Guy 0. Garcia

On the Record

Richard Grayson, 32, humorist-author and one of this year's jester candidates for the U.S. presidency, on why he would like Jane Wyman to be his running mate: "She has experience dumping Reagan."

Emmanuel Vitria, 62, the world's longest-living heart-transplant patient, celebrating last week's 15th anniversary of his operation in Marseilles: "I think I'll die at 100 years of age, shot by a jealous husband." This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so viewer discretion is required.