On the Record

By E. Graydon Carter

From all over France the curious have been making their way to Ize in the Loire Valley, eager for a glimpse of the new stained-glass windows in the village church. These pilgrims are in search not of religious inspiration but of a chuckle. When the chapel was rebuilt four years ago, a glassmaker from Tours had a little private fun as he created the new windows with a touch of Gallic wit. Flanking Jesus in the Resurrection scene on one of the windows are two Roman guards dressed in gladiatorial drag and bearing the distinct likenesses of French President Francois Mitterrand and Communist Party Leader Georges Marchais. No one noticed at first, and now Father Louis Hubert and his parishioners are content to let them be. "There were a few nasty souls," says Father Hubert, "who intimated that Jesus bears a strange resemblance to [former President Valery] Giscard d'Estaing. But that is false--absolutely false."

In the midst of a disappointing season for new plays, Manhattan stage producers are relying on a gimmick to sustain interest in current hits: hiring pop-identifiable personalities to take over major roles. To wit, Debbie Reynolds will replace Raquel Welch who replaced Lauren Bacall in Woman of the Year. Teenswooner Andy Gibb is now headlining Broadway's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and yes, no less than Bert Convy, the chirpy host of TV's Tattletales, is replacing Raul Julia for two weeks in the musical Nine. Of all the recent replacements, however, the most interesting may be Morgan Fairchild, 32, who last week joined the cast of the off-Broadway comedy Geniuses. Morgan steps into the role of a leggy, not-so-dumb blond up for a nude walk-on in a grossly expensive epic war film. Fairchild is working for scale ($195.80 a week) to break out of the blitz of vixen parts that Hollywood has offered since her bitchy role on television's Flamingo Road. "All they want you to do is run around in pants and a halter top," says the actress, who wears mostly that in Geniuses. "But it's theater," she argues, "and it's funny, and I like the play a lot, and that's the difference."

When Princess Grace of Monaco died last summer in an auto crash, her brother John B. Kelly Jr., 55, led the members of their prominent Philadelphia family at the funeral. Last week Kelly was shot by a mugger near a gas station in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. The onetime Olympic oarsman, in town to give a rowing demonstration, was making a call from a phone booth when he was approached by a man with a small-caliber revolver who demanded money. Kelly tried to push him away, and the man shot him in the thigh. Kelly's doctors at the Broward General Medical Center reported that there apparently was no permanent damage and that he could soon return home.

Before there was a "good ol' Mare" on the Mary Tyler Moore Show, even before her role as Laura Petrie on the Dick Van Dyke Show, there were the legs. They were the shapely stems seen in the old TV detective chestnut Richard Diamond, and they were the props that enabled Mary Tyler Moore to get chorus-line jobs on television's Jimmy Durante Show and Eddie Fisher Show. But those dancing days were, sorry to bring it up, 25 years ago. Now living in New York City, Moore, 45, decided to see if she could still cut it with the other chorines in workout sessions with the New York City Ballet. "It's at once inspiring and demoralizing," says she of stretching with the best. But few are better at executing a well-pointed split. Says Moore: "Eat your heart out, Jane Fonda."

--By E. Graydon Carter

Alexander Haig: "I'm trying to write a book that is informative and readable, without any kiss and tell. Of course, that's exactly opposite from what the publishers want."

Reginald Gilliam, vice chairman of the Interstate Commerce Commission, on perceptions of black success: "Your degrees, your clerkships, your previous positions that often predate the Equal Employment Opportunity Act, all may be explained away by 'EEO,' a modern-day acronym for nigger." This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so viewer discretion is required.