People

Listen, kid, and listen good. The joker in the trench coat is not the real McCoy, but an actor gent from New York. Goes by the name of Sacchi, Robert Sacchi, and he's making a flick in L.A. called The Man with Bogart 's Face. It's all about this guy who takes the name of Sam Marlowe (clever, huh?), gets his puss fixed to look like the one and only, and becomes a private dick in Hollywood. Hires a secretary who could stop traffic on Sunset but has the brains of a flea, tangles with a midget, finds a stiff by the name of Horst Borsht, and runs into a Nazi. You know, the usual job. This dead ringer has played Bogie in tube spots for Ford and Gillette, trench coat and all. He's 39, and not bad for a beginner. Now if he can only find a dame who can teach him how to whistle..

To print in the New York Times what John Lennon and Yoko Ono printed there last week all you need is love--and $18,240. That's what the ex-Beatle, who is now 38 and last released an album in 1975, paid for a full-page ad billed as "A Love Letter from John and Yoko to People Who Ask Us What, When and Why." He and his wife take five paragraphs to bring a presumably breathless world up to date on how the Lennon family is faring in Manhattan. The couple have been conducting a "Spring Cleaning of our minds," and report that "the things we have tried to achieve in the past by flashing a V sign, we try now through wishing." Son Sean, 3, is "beautiful," their plants are healthy, the cats are "purring." Lest anyone be hurt by the very private life they have been leading, they aver that their "silence is a silence of love and not of indifference. Remember, we are writing in the sky instead of on paper--that's our song."

Some began calling her Ursula Undress after she posed nude for Playboy no fewer than seven times, but for her latest film Actress Ursula Andress dresses up at least a bit. Perhaps she wore clothes out of respect for her distinguished co-stars in Clash of Titans, a $10 million mythic fantasy with Sir Laurence Olivier playing Zeus, Claire Bloom as his wife Hera, and Maggie Smith as Thetis, mother of Achilles. She certainly didn't need to dress because of her role: she plays the goddess of love, Aphrodite, a fitting part for the woman who once said she keeps in shape "by loving."

Efrem Zimbalist Jr. he's not, but Clarence Kelley is a former director of the FBI, and he has taped a television spot extolling a product that promises to foil gem thieves. The instrument, marketed by Gemprint, Ltd., of Chicago, photographs a diamond's interior; the picture is filed at the company's headquarters, where it is always available to identify the gem if it is lost or stolen. "I can't deny I got into it to supplement my income," explains Kelley, who admits that his pay as a Gemprint director and huckster is "very substantial." But, ever the cop, Kelley contends, "I want to cripple the gem theft business." And no one, after all, ever said that crime busting should not pay.

On the Record

Abbie Hoffman, aging Yippie, on California Governor Jerry Brown: "I don't trust him. [He has] more colors than a Panamanian patio at sunset."

Jim Brown, black actor and former football star, on the dismal career prospects for blacks in American films today: "Hollywood is the way it is in Mississippi. We've retreated to a new plantation."

Bob Bergland, Agriculture Secretary, farmer and ex-Congressman, on Capitol Hill life: "Terrible. Early morning, late at night, seven days a week. It's like the dairy business."

Barbara Walters, TV journalist, on how an older woman newscaster might fare: "That's far away for me, but we've had no woman to test it yet. People have no trouble accepting Walter Cronkite as 'Uncle Walter,' but I don't know if they want to see 'Aunt Barbara.' "

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