"A total woman caters to her man's special quirks, whether it be in salads, sex or sports," Author Marabel Morgan has declared. Bubble baths, baby-doll costumes and the like having been prescribed in her bestselling books The Total Woman and Total Joy, Marabel has moved on to the kitchen to assemble a total woman's cookbook for publication next spring. Her recipes lean heavily on their titles (Heavenly Peach Pie, Boudoir Cheesecake), and her menus on their scenarios. Thus the You Tiger You meal features a hearty beef Stroganoff and a Reconcile Feast includes stuffed pork chops and coconut cream pie. "It's so important," she insists, "to furnish men happy moments at mealtime." Her husband Charlie takes a judicious view of total cookery. "All things being equal," he says, "I'd rather have a nice meal than not have one."

"I feel like a fish in water," says Actress-turned-Director Jeanne Moreau about her second stint behind the camera. The just finished film Adolescence deals with a 13-year-old Parisienne who goes to see her grandmother in the country and falls in love with a visiting doctor. The grandmother: Simone Signoret. "I was seduced by Moreau's persistence. I like to be chosen," says Signoret. She also likes her director. "Moreau gives actors intelligent explanations, as few directors who have never been actors can," she explains. As for Moreau, she regards directing as a step up. Says she: "It's as if a woman used to darning goes into fine embroidery."

Germany's distinguished novelist Guenter Grass a male chauvinist? One of the biggest, says a German women's group, who named him M.C. of the Month for his new book, an epic about a sexist talking fish. During a visit to Atlanta, where he read passages from The Flounder, Grass naturally had some talking to do. "The women's lib movement," he said, "has a lot of women who want to use power like men. We have enough stupid men who use power." Grass also had some criticisms about American writers, who, he claims, have not confronted the Viet Nam War. Says Grass: "If you don't face it, it means two things: you lost the war and you've also lost the ability to make clear why it happened."

It wasn't your basic fairy tale. The bearded Arab King started to propose over a dessert plate of apples, and the pretty American blonde responded: "Have another apple." That interlude, says Jordan's Queen Nur, 27, on ABC's Nov. 29 Barbara Walters Special, led to her marriage to King Hussein, 42. After the ceremony, says the former Lisa Halaby, she settled down in the palace with her husband's kids and the family pet camel, Fluffy, and faced her tough new job: being Queen. The King has not been much help on protocol, she says. He tells her: "I don't know what to do any better than you. Just be yourself."

On the Record

Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State, on the proceedings at Camp David: "You can't imagine how painful it was to me to see how much could be accomplished without me."

Anatoli Dobrynin, Soviet Ambassador to the U.S., on his 16-year stint in Washington: "I miss black bread and the cultural life."

Hurt Reynolds, actor, on the absence of his mustache: "I do look less sexy. Now I look like I make love in the bedroom and not on the living room floor."

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