Love Is Dying

Gone are the agony and ecstasy

Romantic love was introduced to Western culture by late 11th century troubadours. Since then the telltale symptoms --pain of longing, wide-eyed idealization of the beloved and vibrato of the soul --have become established as the preferred form of sexual attraction. Now, however, it may be nearing the end of its 900-year run. According to a Michigan State University psychologist, romantic love is dying out. Claims Professor G. Marian Kinget: "One is bound to conclude that the very conditions for romantic love have ceased to exist."

For one thing, Kinget says, the idealization of lovers has given way to "reality testing"--young people are casting a cold eye on prospective mates to check for flaws. Social assumptions that promote romantic love--e.g., women are weak and need protection--are rapidly breaking down and "extended longing" crucial to romantic love has been dealt a death blow by casual sex and the easy availability of birth control. Says Kinget: "The notions of agony and ecstasy traditionally associated with this kind of love have become meaningless--in fact, quaint."

She sees some negative consequences: "a certain flattening of personality" and perhaps "a stunting effect on creativity, devotion, courage and similar forms of transcendence. Has it not been said that if Dante had married Beatrice, we would not have had the Divina Commedia?"

But Kinget also has some good news: the passing of romantic love may mean "greater emotional and social stability" and the disappearance of marriages "founded on mutual illusions and cosmetic images." Take that, Erich Segal.

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