Casting a Melodrama

You've read the transcripts; now see the movie. So goes the current parlor game, "Watergate, Soon to Be Made into a Major Motion Picture." Most casting choices tend to be inspired but impractical -- President Nixon played by the shade of a Captain Queeg-ish Humphrey Bogart (they were all "dishloyal officersh"), or Jeb Magruder impersonated by the late Montgomery Clift. Properly, the ground rules should exclude all but those actors available for two months of work, plus a renewable option for the TV-series spinoff. Let those who are without guilt stone the first cast:

John Sirica . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marlon Brando

Donald Segretti . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Wayne Newton

G. Gordon Liddy . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .Burt Reynolds

Jeb Magruder . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. . . . .Pat Boone

Rose Mary Woods . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Bea Arthur

John Mitchell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Telly Savalas

Martha Mitchell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Shelley Winters

Maurice Stans . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Robert Young

John Ehrlichman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..Edward Asner

H.R. ("Bob") Haldeman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Lee Marvin

John Dean . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .H.R. ("Bugs") Bunny

Charles Colson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .Don Rickles

Julie Eisenhower . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Jane Fonda

Pat Nixon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Loretta Young

Howard Baker . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Glenn Ford

Sam Ervin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Orson Welles

James St. Clair . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Eli Wallach

Archibald Cox . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Henry Fonda

Peter Rodino . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Peter Falk

Leon Jaworski . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . .Karl Maiden

The star role remains unfilled, depending on the interpretation of the film makers. If Watergate is to be a tragedy, Bob Hope might make an ideal choice. If it is to be a comedy, surely there is no more experienced leading man than Ronald Reagan. Luckily, he will soon be between engagements.

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