Putting on the Dogs

"I hope you're picking up the idea that you have to act like a complete ass to be a dog trainer. You've got to be exciting to your dog; otherwise, he'll get depressed."

--Mrs. Barbara Woodhouse

She stands sternly, an energetic, graying Englishwoman in a tweed skirt and sensible shoes. "No, no, no! You must not say, 'Condor, come here,' in that weak voice. That's no good. Stand up and say, 'Condor, COME!' " As her voice booms across the lawn outside her Hertfordshire home, owners and their dogs tremble involuntarily. Barbara Woodhouse, at 62, has trained more than 14,000 dogs, from nervous purebreds to what she recalls as "the worst dogs in England."

When she puts owners and their pets through one of her regular $25 weekend courses, the atmosphere is all business. Most of her attention, surprisingly enough, is concentrated not on the dogs but on their owners. "I can train any dog in five minutes," she says. "It's training the owners that takes longer."

Jerk. Patiently, she walks the owners through her routine. First comes an equipment check: a 4-ft. smooth leather leash and a large-link choke collar. She shows the owners how the collar works: a downward jerk on the leash tightens it without choking the dog; release slackens the collar immediately. Next, each dog is paraded into the front of the class to show the owners that simple commands ("Heel," "Sit," "Stay") can be taught in five minutes. Trainer Woodhouse's commands and corrections rumble steadily, and the choke collar comes into play. "Heel!" she commands, slapping her thigh to reinforce her words. "Dogs love noises," she explains. A small Samoyed fails to obey, and Mrs. Woodhouse jerks him across the turf. The owner winces but Mrs. Woodhouse keeps on talking--and jerking. "This is what some dogs do and their poor owners go weak around the gills [jerk]. Stop, you naughty dog [jerk]. This is all put on for the benefit of anyone who might be sympathetic [jerk]. Well, scream away," she tells the yelping dog. Suddenly the Samoyed is heeling beautifully--and his tail has never stopped wagging. The other dogs respond as well. "If you give him a good jerk," says Mrs. Woodhouse, "the dog will really love you."

Then, as the owners move their dogs through following exercises, Mrs. Woodhouse zeroes in on her two-legged students. "Do you see how much quicker I am than you are?" she asks one ambling owner. "You'll have to speed up if you're going to have an interesting dog. Otherwise, they walk around like zombies." To another owner: "You're the naughty one; your dog's really very good." To a third: "It's no good saying, 'Sit, darling, for Mommy's sake.' It's: 'Mazie, SIT!'"

To many Englishmen, burdened by the tradition of austere reserve, such behavioral advice comes as a shock. "You've got to be terribly gay," orders Mrs. Woodhouse. "You've got to act like idiots." By which she means that an owner must put heavy emphasis on talking continuously. "I want to hear some inane chatter. Try to be a bit more silly."

A Woodhouse discovery: commands with "d" or "t" sounds, such as "sit" and "down," will more readily attract a dog's attention. "Dogs particularly love the word 'what,' " she says, accentuating the "t" sound as she says it.

Much of Woodhouse's expertise was applied to the training of her two Great Danes, Juno and Junia, who appeared in more than 100 British films. Until their deaths, she never traveled; she was unwilling to leave her pets. Now she has just returned from a grueling tour of the U.S.: in 21 days, she appeared on 20 television programs and 15 radio shows to publicize Dog Training My Way, recently published in the U.S. (She has also written The A to Z of Dogs and Puppies, The Book of Ponies, and Talking to Animals, all stressing her training methods.) Though her techniques seem tough, Woodhouse insists that her purpose is to train dogs without hurting them. "I automatically feel friends with the dogs," she says. "I hope I sound loving as well as being firm."

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