Now the Lemmies

Is the worst commercial the best commercial? Some Madison Avenue admen seem to think so. They believe that the viewer remembers best the spot that is most insulting to his intelligence and irritating to his sensibility. The doctrine is probably wrong, but its adherents cling to it as firmly as any Maoist grasping the little red book. Meanwhile the viewer has suffered in silence.

No longer. Inspired by Minneapolis Public Relations Man Bill Bentzin, a new organization has been formed to help the viewer fight back. Its name is the Committee for Rejection of Obnoxious Commercials--or CROC--and its weapon is ridicule. Last week CROC, which has more than 2,000 dues-paying members, announced its selection of the ten worst TV commercials of the past year and offered the corporations that sponsor them the CROC award: the Lemmy, a walnut plaque topped with a plastic lemon. CROC's list, in order of obnoxiousness:

> Crest toothpaste, for the commercial in which an arrogant brat interrupts his father, busy at work, to announce that because of Crest he has fewer cavities.

> Playtex Cross Your Heart Bra, in which the boy does not recognize his girl because she is wearing a new bra.

> Imperial Margarine, in which a crown appears on the head of a man when he bites into a slice of bread buttered--whoops--spread with Imperial.

> Mitchum Anti-Perspirant, which shows a bare-chested fellow leaning out of bed announcing that because of Mitchum, he did not have to use a deodorant yesterday and does not plan to use one again today. ("No wonder he's sleeping alone," wrote one CROCer on his ballot.)

> Pristeen feminine deodorant, in which two women stroll along arm in arm, rhapsodizing about their feminine spray.

> Hour-After-Hour deodorant, in which a housewife in a track suit is shown running around her kitchen to keep it spotless.

> Folger's Coffee, which suggests that bad coffee can break up a good marriage.

> Charmin toilet paper, which shows a group of half-crazed women pouncing on poor, effeminate Store Manager Mr. Whipple like the Erinyes attacking Orestes. What do they want? Why to squeeze the Charmin, of course.

> Geritol. "My wife, I think I'll keep her," he says generously.

> Wisk detergent, in which a parrot shrieks "Ring around the collar!" at a guilt-ridden hausfrau who neglected to Wisk.

CROC also singled out the commercials it liked. One was for Coca-Cola ("I'd like to buy the world a Coke") and another for Alka-Seltzer ("Try it, you'll like it"). Coke, coincidentally, won an Effie (for marketing moxie) and Alka-Seltzer a CLIO (for performance) from the admen themselves. The industry's own awards were also announced last week at the 13th annual American Television and Radio Commercials Festival in Manhattan. Will CROC have any effect? Probably not. All it offers the viewer is vicarious and considerable pleasure: to squeeze--or strangle--Mr. Whipple.

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