Wisdom in Watermelons

The grey pages of the Soviet press are seldom relieved by satire, but in recent weeks Russian editors have been turning to that form of wit as a means of ridiculing their truculent fellow Communists, the Red Chinese. Spread across a recent issue of Moscow's Literaturnaya Gazeta was one of the more hilarious examples of the current Mao-knows-best school of Chinese journalism. The Moscow editors reprinted the article from a Chinese paper without comment, presumably because its title fully signaled its inanity: "Let Us Speak of the Philosophic Questions of Selling Watermelons in Big Cities." The author, Shanghai Fruit Store Manager Chou Hsin-li, explained how he had solved the problem of selling his melons before they rotted by referring to the writings of Mao Tse-tung for guidance.

First, Chou studied Mao's treatise on dialectical materialism, "On Contradiction." "I became convinced," writes Chou, "that it is necessary to learn the contradictions existing in the watermelon trade, to expose the contradictions, and to reconcile them." Applied to watermelons, Mao's teachings revealed to Chou the contradictions between the large supply of watermelons in hot weather and the shortage of shop clerks to distribute them. Some of Chou's associates suggested that he should solve the contradiction by reducing the number of melons he put on sale. That was wrong, decided Chou, after studying a Mao pamphlet entitled "Serve the People."

Turning to a third Mao work, "Concentrate a Superior Force to Destroy the Enemy Forces One by One," Chou concluded that "if we worked according to the old method of even distribution of sales forces, we would fail to smash the enemy--the decay of watermelons." Applying Mao, Chou "concentrated overwhelming forces and properly waged the struggle for the watermelon trade." Result: no spoiled melons and a 19,000-yen profit for the season.

Russia's Communist youth paper, Komsomolskaya Pravda, joined in the fun last week, publishing, also without comment, a set of questions and answers about sports from a Red Chinese newspaper. All the answers directed the questioners to various sections of Mao's works, hardly any of which actually deal with sports.

For all the journalistic satire, Soviet President Nikolai V. Podgorny reminded the Russians last week that the Chinese are not always a laughing matter.

Visiting the Far Eastern industrial city of Khabarovsk to present the Order of Lenin to the territory for its economic achievements, he used the occasion to answer the Red Chinese, who claim that huge areas of Russia's eastern provinces, including Khabarovsk, were unjustly seized by the Czars from China in the 19th century and now should be returned to the rightful owner. Not a chance, was Podgorny's defiant reply. He pledged the full support of the Soviet military to defend the area and called on workers and farmers to cooperate with the armed forces "to guard and, if necessary, to fight for the Far Eastern areas of our motherland."

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