All of the People All of the Time

"You know," sighed Cassius Marcellus Clay, alias Muhammad Ali, daintily sipping a cuppa in London last week, "you can fool all of the people all of the time. Sonny Listen--he was supposed to be too mean for me. Floyd Patterson was too determined. George Chuvalo, why, Ali won't be able to stand up to his punches, they said. Now, it's Henry Cooper's left hook is gonna make history. Yes sir."

That thoughtful bit of sarcasm was the nastiest Cassius got all week. In fact, he was so much on his good behavior that sportswriters took to calling him "Muhammad the Meek." "I want to thank," he said, "the lords and all the common market people who have treated me so well in England. I want to thank the President of the United States and the Louisville draft board, who let me out of my country." The only man Clay forgot to thank was Henry Cooper, the balding cockney greengrocer whose left hand made it all possible: the most widely watched heavyweight title fight in history.

Cooper's left hand bears discussion, if for no other reason than that 1) it is the only hand he has, and 2) it once, three years ago, introduced Clay to canvas. The acquaintanceship lasted only 5 sec., after which Cassius performed a surgical operation on the tissue surrounding Cooper's left eye. Ever since, Henry has been soaking his head in brine to toughen his skin. The success of the treatment was a matter of sufficient debate to lure 46,000 Britons to Arsenal Football Club Stadium last week and to persuade millions of Americans to tune in on a satellite-relay telecast. Could young Doctor Clay carve another notch in 'Enery's 'ardened 'ead?

The operation was a success. For five rounds, while Cooper lunged awkwardly about the outdoor ring, Clay concentrated his attack on Henry's left eyebrow. By the end of the fifth, Cooper's forehead was pink and swollen, and in the sixth it turned bright crimson. Lashing out with a classic one-two combination, Cassius opened up a gash so bloody one awed onlooker insisted that Cooper must be a bar-sinister Alfonso. The referee stopped the fight at 1 min. 38 sec. of the sixth round, and no more than a minute later Champion Clay was already announcing his next fight. "My next opponent," intoned Cassius solemnly, "will be Karl Mildenberger of Germany."

Good night, Karl Mildenberger--whoever you are.

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