What Every Girl Should Know

Oozing unctuous concern for the plight of dateless girls, a group of Princeton men last fall published Where the Girls Are, a guide to the delights of dating at Eastern women's colleges. Last week, for their pains, they got back a stiletto of witticism called Where the Boys Are, researched by girls at Smith and Mount Holyoke and written by two male turncoats at Amherst.

"Princeton," purrs the guide, "is the only place in the world where, when a boy and his date walk past a mirror, it's the boy who stops to comb his hair." At Harvard girls must beware of the "dope party," which "features LSD as a starter, and anything as a finisher, and lots of great Happenings in between."

The guide advises girls visiting Yale to "look up with adoration and pretend you don't understand the dirty jokes that transpire all evening; look submissive, and some day you'll be a suburban mother." At Amherst, "traditions never die: Lord Jeffrey Amherst tried to deal with the Indian problem by sending them blankets contaminated with smallpox germs. Today, two centuries later, Amherst men are trying to cope with still another problem, but again with blankets." When going to Wesleyan, pack "knee socks, saltines (they never feed you) and a guitar." At Williams, beware of "the woods and the steam tunnels under the school." At Columbia, "be prepared for plenty of pot, plenty of existentialism and plenty of Susan Sontag."

Dartmouth men, claims the guide, are so isolated that they pounce at the sight of a girl. "If it's a blind date, you'll remember in no time what you left at home: your mother." At Johns Hopkins, the boys are likely to be "pouring a minor (you) another glass of Vat 69."

Rutgers (pronounced Rut-jers), which thinks of itself as "Berkeley East," is really "the world's only name university where a girl with a Jersey accent can go and feel at home." At West Point, "the war of the sexes isn't likely to get beyond the conference table," and "not even the engaged dare hold hands." Not so with sailors: "Before you've left Annapolis, you'll know what the poster has always known: Uncle Sam does want YOU."

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