Parkinson's Third Law

A tongue-in-cheek British professor named Cyril Northcote Parkinson has won himself a reputation in recent years for evolving Parkinson's Laws, which have a disturbing way of showing the absurdity beneath the reality. Law One concerns bureaucracy: "Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion." Law Two on the same subject: "Expenditures rise to meet income." Now Parkinson, 53, currently a business consultant in Amsterdam, has unburdened himself of a Third Law, this time on corporations, in a book out this week (In-Laivs and Outlaws; Houghton Mifflin; $4).

Executive Sweets. Before he lays down the law, Parkinson devotes 230 whimsical (sometimes overly whimsical) pages to getting ahead in big corporations. Some lessons to be learned: NONORIGINATION. "Of all the administrative techniques there is none, probably, of more importance than the art of having your views put forward by someone else.

Pursue the opposite policy, advocating a scheme and expecting to gain credit by its adoption, and you may well succeed--just once." Reason: no one likes a pusher.

EXPERTISE. "Among the really expert, all organizations are instantly judged by the looks of their female office staff. Vice President A, who cannot find an attractive girl for his outer office, is most unlikely to have found anything else." There is also the Parkinsey Report: "Before joining a company as vice president or president, you must discover its sex. A male corporation is to be identified, first of all, by its rough exterior. The layout is more practical than pleasing, the machinery unconcealed, and the paint-- work conservative and drab. Combined with this rugged appearance is an assertiveness in advertising, a rather crude claim to offer what is at once the cheapest and the best. The organization is extrovert, outgoing and inquisitive." Male Superiority. Quite the opposite is j the female corporation. "Its factory buildings are prettily sited and smartly kept with pastel shades in the paintwork and flower beds near the gate. There can be too much fuss over details, an insistence on exact procedure and an overemphasis on the appearance (as opposed to the reality) of competence. In general, the female trend is toward economy and financial caution. Faced with a recession, the female corporation hastens to curtail expenditure and reduce the dividend." Recognizing the difference, says Parkinson, can be vital to an aspiring executive.

"When a merger takes place, the advantage lies normally with the male corporation, which has been acquisitive and active. Executives on the female side are more likely to be displaced and thrust aside." Ultimately Parkinson cites his Third Law: "Expansion means complexity and complexity, decay." How to tell when a corporation is decaying? Look at the newest buildings.

"They represent the latest trends in structure and outlook. What is manifest about them is that they will not last for long." Check salaries. "Where the highest value is placed on routine competence, the process of decay has begun." Visit the firm's farthest outpost and ask: "When were you last visited by a director? If the answer is 'last year' the situation is bad. If the answer is 'never' the situation is almost beyond remedy. The empire may still exist but its energy is dwindling, will presently vanish." So too with Parkinson's Laws. The third, promises the professor, is the last.

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