Homework. In Baghdad, Author Salih Salman complained to police that his house had been ransacked while he attended a debate about his latest work.

There Are No Thieves Any More.

On the Nose. In Denver, Motorist Jay E. Shideler was found "not responsible" for veering into a parked car after he explained that he lost control when a grasshopper landed on his nose.

Trademark. In San Francisco, Process Server Guy E. Yancey, 19, quit his job after delivering his first summons because the recipient mistook him for a burglar, threw him to the floor, tied him up with twine, kept him bound until cops arrived.

Talk Dodger. In Hutovo, Yugoslavia, Petar Mustafic, 90, who had "not said a word in 40 years, began to talk, explained that "I just didn't want to do military service, so I stopped talking in 1920. Then I got used to it."

Mysterious West. In Milwaukee, when Marquette University Student Jane da Silva, a native of Bombay, India, picked up her saris at the cleaners, her bill read: -'Two tablecloths at 52-c-."

Preventive Medicine. In Salisbury, Southern Rhodesia, when a police recruit was asked, during a first aid test, "How would you arrest a hemorrhage?" he answered: "I would put my hand on his shoulder and warn and caution him."

Clear Solution. In Memphis, James Neal was freed from a drunk charge after, he told the court that he was merely trying to cure a gallstone attack with a remedy compounded of beer, Epsom salts, vinegar, water, gin and laundry bluing.

Checkmated. In Los Angeles, after filing for a divorce from her 14th husband. Beverly Nina A very, 49, was asked what she planned to do next, replied: "I don't know. I've been so busy getting married and divorced I don't have a talent for anything else."

Hidebound. In Sao Paulo, Brazil, after Pedro Serafim, 25, fired two bullets into his head, another two into left lung, hit himself over the head with a hatchet, and began working on his throat with a saw, neighbors rushed him to a hospital where doctors pronounced him in good condition.

Match Play. In London, after Edward George Carter, 39, testified that his wife had slapped him in the presence of his stepmother, left him in the middle of a dance floor, smacked him on the head with a potted plant, and hidden the family supply of tea, the judge dismissed the divorce suit on the grounds that such incidents amount to "a case of ordinary wear and tear of married life."

This file is automatically generated by a robot program, so reader's discretion is required.