Internal Matter. In Miami, freed of a petty larceny charge for eating candy, strawberries, bananas, string beans and a package of sugar-coated ham while shopping in a supermarket, Mrs. Marie Schor said indignantly, "Why, I've been eating there for more than five years."

Busy Line. In Indianapolis, charged with burglary when police caught him taking a phone apart with hammer, screw driver, mallet and can opener, James H. Coleman explained: "I was just trying to recover a dime I lost."

No Drilling. In Cuneo, Italy, during a party celebrating his tenth year of dental practice, Bernardino Lerda was arrested by authorities, who discovered that he had never graduated from medical or dental school.

Big Game. In Braintree, England, Claude Grimwood was fined $14 for illegally setting traps for foxes, after one of his traps snagged the village policeman.

Conspicuous Consumption. In Atlanta, informed that his baggage was half a pound over the weight limit, a Delta Airlines passenger pulled out a 2-ft. roll of salami, sliced off half a pound before his plane left and ate it.

Staggered. In London, Ont., convicted on three charges of car theft, William Johnson explained to the court: "I only steal cars when I become too loaded to walk home."

Menu Change. In Rome, Ga., Joseph A. Mize complained to police that the thief who had been taking milk from his front porch left a note to the milkman for two quarts of chocolate milk, took them away too.

In the Bag. In Kingston-on-Thames, England, Mrs. Winifred Langridge, a store detective, was fined $140 for shoplifting from a neighboring store.

All the Brakes. In Brownsville, Texas, celebrating his 80th birthday and 38th consecutive year as Cameron County judge, Oscar C. Dancy accounted for his longevity: "I've never owned nor driven an automobile."

With Cheek of Tan. In Lansing, Kans., Prisoner Floyd E. Ireland won the poetry contest at Kansas State Prison, later was sent to solitary when his poem turned out to be the work of John Greenleaf Whittier.

Pay for the Beat. In Toronto, Ont., University of Toronto Student Ries Karvanque, capitalizing on the beatnik boom, charges $5 for appearing at parties in beatnik garb and letting the guests discuss her, $10 for playing the bongo drums, $15 for reciting beat poetry.

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