A tourist got off a plane in Port-au-Prince, told immigration officials he was Miles Gaham, 35, a dentist from Omaha. The Haitians looked right past his white cap, tight woolen shirt, dark glasses and absurd phony mustache, said: "Welcome, Marlon Brando." The actor had brought along a pretty Eurasian girl, who said her name was Timy Van Nga; occupation: student. In a U-drive-it Volkswagen, the two demonstrated the close relationship between love and Haiti, thrill-riding the island's mountain curves, dancing to voodoo drums at the nightclub Bacoulou. By week's end, when the lady and Brando had been off together for six days, U.S. gossip mills still knew nothing about it. But an understudy was filling the star role in Broadway's The World of Suzie Wong, and the show's agent said that lush, Sino-French France Nuyen was vacationing "on the coast."
Konrad Adenauer caught his toe in a rabbit hole, banged his knee, limped home to Germany from a vacation in Italy, and appeared before a meeting of the Christian Democrat parliamentary group leaning on a cane. "Gentlemen," said the bunny-bugged Chancellor, "I did not fall on my head. Remember this in case you hear something else."
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer signed a new film star: Light Heavyweight Champion Archie Moore, whose craft in the ring has kept him on top of the fight game for years, whose craft on a raft got him successfully through a screen test for the role of Jim, the runaway slave, in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
Since the death of Auto Racer Mike Hawthorn in an ordinary accident on an ordinary road last winter, Britain's fastest, most expert drivers have pretty much throttled down out on the highway, with one exception: Countess Attlee, 63, wife of and longtime driver for former Prime Minister Clement Attlee. Last week Lady Attlee, whose cool daring behind the wheel gave newsmen a run for their copy during election campaigns, had a bit of bad luck, cracked a collarbone in a collision at a North London crossroads known as "Danger Junction." It was her fifth crash in four years.
Rounding out their first full week as man and diva, Aristotle Onassis and Maria Callas stayed quietly on the Onassis superyacht, anchored off the Greek coast, until the soprano decided she was having a "sentimental crisis." Off she flew on Onassis' lumbering DC-4 to give a concert in Bilbao, Spain. Sang Callas: "Unexpected things have happened, and the only remedy is to rise above them." To the disappointment of her Spanish audience, she barely managed to rise above middle C, moved one critic to write: "The Bilbao public demonstrated perfect manners in not showing greater disgust." Then it was back to her sailor-man, who was having something of a crisis himself. "All the fuss" over his choice of a traveling companion, groaned Onassis, was threatening to wreck his marriage (Wife Tina had gone to New York, reportedly to see her lawyer). Maria and I--"We love each other, but in God's name there is nothing of a sexual nature." Would he replace Callas' husband, Giovanni Meneghini, as the soprano's manager? "No," said the humble Midas. "My place is in the audience in a third-class seat. I am a mariner." With that, the sly, grizzled sea dog sailed off with his companion on a ten-day cruise through the islands of the Aegean.
In Manhattan to see his grandchildren, Harry S. Truman took note of the Umbrella Man, Dracula, and the rest of New York's juvenile delinquents, thought he knew the real trouble. "Spare the rod and spoil the child is what we've been doing for two generations," said old-fashioned Harry. "The peachtree switch and mother's slipper are the best things in the world to make a kid behave." Had he felt either? Grinned Truman: "Both."
In Braemar, Scotland, Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Anne dressed the part of wee royal Scots, looked appropriately braw and bonny, as they watched the Highland Games.
On a Roman film set, Actress Rita Gam had a visitor. "At last here's a man I can ask to my apartment without making my husband the least bit jealous," said Rita, in a statement not exactly calculated to flatter big (a gefilte 198 1/2 lbs.), bagel-eyed Harry Golden, 57, bestselling author (Only in America, For 2-c- Plain) and publisher of the Carolina Israelite. Back in Manhattan, Rita's husband, Viking Press Executive Tom Guinzburg, tossed in his own 2-c-, said: "We're all good Israelis."
Britain's 'Erb (for Herbert) Morrison, 71, could "not sleep for worrying," finally decided not to stand for Parliament after 27 years in the House of Commons. But Socialist Morrison would not have to leave Westminster after all. As Parliament dissolved, Queen Elizabeth's dissolution honors list awarded a lifetime peerage to the London bobby's son who became wartime Home Secretary, later Deputy Prime Minister and Foreign Secretary in the postwar Labor government. The new lord had no idea what new name he would choose. "I'll still be the same Herbie Morrison."
Monaco's palace journal carried a special proclamation: In the event of the death of Prince Rainier III, "the regency belongs fully to" Princess Grace, who would rule until her son Albert reaches his 21st birthday. If Princess Grace were to remarry, she would default the regency to a four-man state council.
Looking for all the world like the winning and losing candidates for president of the Garden Club, Hollywood Columnists Hedda Hopper (beaming) and Louella Parsons (scowling) turned up at a party, stood for a rare photograph.
All summer long the Japanese imperial household refused to budge from the cautious communique that Crown Princess Michiko was "believed to be in a felicitous condition.'' Last week the imperial household finally confirmed the good news. A royal baby is due late this winter, and Michiko will soon be wearing the footwide, multipleated maternity belt that all Japanese women don on the first Day of the Dog in the fifth month of pregnancy.* Meanwhile, she improved her French and English, studied calligraphy and wrote poems, made tradition-breaking plans to raise her own baby; from the age of three weeks her husband, Crown Prince Akihito, seldom saw his parents, was raised in a separate palace.
Aweigh from the Pentagon. Admiral Arleigh ("31-Knot") Burke, who recently started an unprecedented third two-year term as Chief of Naval Operations, spent two days in Mexico, participated in the celebration of Mexico's Independence Day, received the Mexican navy's Decoration of Special Merit.
Her white satin dress was so tight that Genevieve could not make a graceful exit. Road-showing in Cole Porter's Can-Can in Toronto, the French singer-comedienne of Jack Paar's TV program had to negotiate a ramp leading out of the tent-theater, arranged to be carried by another member of the cast. With Genevieve in his arms, the fellow tripped and her right leg was fractured in two places. With an attractive 15-week tour in the offing, the show folded.
Completing her commemorative visit to the Hudson Valley (TIME, Sept. 21), The Netherlands' pretty Princess Beatrix became an honorary citizen of Brooklyn,/- moved on upriver to visit West Point and Vassar College, stayed a night at Hyde Park as the guest of Mrs. Franklin D. Roosevelt. There, she boarded Laurance Rockefeller's yacht Dauntless for a cruise to Albany, led what was locally reported as "the greatest parade in upstate history" celebrating her arrival, and spent the weekend with Governor and Mrs. Nelson Rockefeller. Among the week's souvenirs: ten boxes of apples, a jar of sweet corn, and (from the U.S. Military Academy) a cadet captain, 6 ft. tall, in full-dress uniform with silver saber. Sadly, the cadet captain was made of wax.
* By the Japanese zodiac, days run in cycles of twelve, each with a different symbol. The Day of the Dog is favored for pregnancy belts, because dogs are supposed to give birth easily. Worn as an undergarment wrapped around the abdomen, the belt provides warmth and helps hold the child in position.
/- Thus fostering a disk jockey's joke. Cracked NBC's Al ("Jazzbo") Collins: "So I ups and offers her a cigarette. 'Oh, no,' says she, 'I'm a Brooklyn girl.' 'Well, in that case,' says I, 'have a cigar.' "
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