Solid Advice. In Sydney, Australia, the Rev. Jack Leonard, who is also a ventriloquist, showed up for Sunday school with a wooden dummy on his lap, obliged his youthful parishioners to listen while it delivered a 20-minute sermon.

Thin Excuse. In Vienna, asked why his Communist nation had not yet published Russian Novelist Boris Pasternak's heretical Doctor Zhivago, a visiting Bulgarian writer solemnly explained:"It's too thick."

On the Rocks. In London, after a court ordered him to stop cars from coming to his pub because of the noise they made on the cobblestone street, Geoffrey Bernerd hired three rickshas to transport his customers.

Blanket Charge. In Fresno, Calif., when police picked him up in an orange grove and booked him for drunkenness, Roy Hutchinson righteously protested: "I am an unemployed smoke signal sender."

Summit Conference. In Sao Paulo, Brazil, traffic was tied up for two hours on two of the city's main thoroughfares when cars operated by the state government, the finance ministry and the state police met in a three-way collision.

Sifting the Evidence. In Salt Lake City, summoned by Mrs. Connie Johnson to catch a prowler, police fired two tear gas shells into her attic, set the whole second story afire, after inspection of the charred wreckage reported: "No prowler."

Defense Rests. In Port Moresby, New Guinea, Supreme Court officials noticed that Defendant Bia Umeme was missing, found him fast asleep on the floor of the prisoner's dock.

Situation Adjustment. In Compton, Calif., when burglars held up Liquor Store Owner Max Stanman, and invited the half a dozen customers in the store to help themselves, customers and crooks alike marched out with arms full.

Tinker to Evers to Chance. In Chicago, transit authority detectives spied Robert Hinton picking a pocket at a crowded bus stop, held off long enough to let Franklin Palmer pick Hinton's pocket, then arrested both.

Qualifying Round. In Worcester Park, England, Charles Spice, 99, got a local undertaker's promise of free burial if he makes it to 100.

Out of the Park. In Bakersfield, Calif., racing after a line drive in the 13th inning of a California League baseball game, Modesto's Centerfielder Harry Mayo jammed his arm through the outfield fence, was unable to shake it loose, watched helplessly as the opposing team scored the winning run.

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