Maiden Voyage. Off Formosa, a supply officer on the U.S.S. Midway circulated a memo asking the person who had sent a brassiere to the ship's laundry to claim it.

Freewheeling. In London, Frederick Wilson went to a police station to report the theft of his bicycle, then stole a bobby's bicycle and rode home.

Validated. In Seattle, when Judge Vernon Gould asked a defendant if his driver's license was valid, the man said: "No, sir. It's up to date."

Diet Supplement. In Brisbane, Australia, Constance Toerkel won a divorce after testifying that her husband had eaten all the meals she set before him with a gun across his lap.

A Creature Was Stirring. In London, former Department Store Santa Claus T. T. Fisher-Brent complained in a letter to the Star that after one "youngster croaked in my ear his recital of wants, he soon slipped away with a big smile on his face and my wallet in his pocket."

Pro. In Helena, Mont., when police picked up a 15-year-old boy for auto theft, the lad said: "I'm not a juvenile delinquent. I don't take hub caps and that kind of stuff. I just steal cars."

Fate Accompli. In Southampton, England, 21-year-old Pakhar Singh told army recruiters that he had hitchhiked 12,000 miles from Malaya through India, Afghanistan, Turkey, Greece, Yugoslavia, Italy, Switzerland and France to join the British army because he wanted "to see the world."

Printer's Eros. In Pittsburgh, Divorcee Jane Oliver, seeking a housekeeper for her children, placed a classified ad offering "room and board, small salary in exchange for your loving care," was inundated with phone calls after the Press ran the ad under MALE HELP WANTED.

Broken Field. In Toledo, Taxi Driver Elmer Bittow was convicted of drunken driving after sheepishly admitting that he had driven his cab 26 miles south down the northbound lane of the Detroit-Toledo Expressway.

Spinal Column Right. In Sydney, Australia, Robert McGrath won $938 compensation after he told a district court that, during a military training course, he had injured his back coming to attention.

Tread & Wine. In Seattle, pressed into emergency service to play the role of the Apostle Simon in a performance of the Passion Play, Automobile Dealer Joseph Gandy took advantage of a lull during the Last Supper to sell a Ford to the man playing James.

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