Junketeer. In Lille, France, Abel Pauchet, 36, a part-time scrap-metal collector, was held by police for cutting a 15-ft. section out of the Lille-Tourcoing telephone cable.

Free-Wheeling. In Dixon, Ill., Roger McKean, 19, complained to police that someone stole his car's hubcaps while he was in Lee County jail sitting out a $50 fine--for stealing hubcaps.

Natural Order. In Rochester, Leon Cohen, 38, was struck by a hit-and-run driver, climbed into his car, chased the assailant through traffic for 30 minutes, helped a policeman catch the offender, climbed into an ambulance, lay down for the trip to the hospital.

Loaded Words. In Salem, Ore., the Unemployment Compensation Commission decided that a Portland woman was entitled to unemployment compensation because she quit after her boss called her "an old bag.''

Espresso. In Wilmington, Del.. Walton Connelly, in quest of a cup of coffee, rode his motorcycle into the Toddle House parking lot, lost control, crashed uninjured through a 9-by-4-ft. glass window, got a cup of coffee free--after he agreed to pay damages.

Amplified Needle. In Los Angeles, cops booked Frederick Brannan for stealing phonograph records from the record-pressing firm where he worked as a janitor, found he had written himself a reminder, "Keep Hustling," on the title page of the book How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.

The Fine Print. In Chicago, William J. Powell. 31, who views marriage as a give-and-take proposition and averted four divorce suits filed by his wife (by agreeing to: 1) turn over-his entire paycheck to her. 2) change from night work to day work because she was lonesome, 3) attend her church, 4) give up television because it interfered with her reading), was remarried after a fifth, successful suit when he agreed to give up golf and bowling, was sued once again, this time was told that he must give up beating his wife.

Wire Service. In London, a survey published by Lloyd's Bank on the fate of 100,000 paper clips revealed that out of the 100,000 clips, only one-fifth served their proper function; 14,163 were twisted and broken during telephone conversations; 19,413 were used as card-game stakes; 7,200 became makeshift hooks for garter belts and brassieres; 5,434 were converted to toothpicks or ear cleaners; 5,308 were used as nail cleaners; 3,916 became pipe cleaners; and the balance were dropped on the floor and swept away, or swallowed by children.

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