Inflation Control. In Auburn, Me. a sign in a gas station window reads: "Use Our Easy Credit Plan--100% Down, Nothing Each Month."

Constancy. In London, a judge termed Grace Bowler, 71, a "most ungrateful" wife to husband John, 70 (they were married in 1910), and granted him a divorce after hearing testimony that she had carried a hot meal half a mile faithfully every evening for 30 years to her boy friend.

In the Nick. In Franklin, Ky., police got a telephone distress call to hurry "out to my house because something awful is about to happen," sped to the address, found, crouched behind the sofa, Billy Kratzert, 4, who pointed a trembling finger at his baby sitter, said: "She was going to spank me."

By the Numbers. In Detroit, Gas Station Attendant Lonnie Taylor, ordered by a bandit to hand over about $105 cash and then go into the men's room "to count to 100," got to five and hurried out to call police, found the gunman just leaving, was told to get back in and start again--from zero.

It Figures. In Tampa, Reporter Dana Cessna, rushing to a Chamber of Commerce meeting, could find only a twelve-minute parking place, left a note explaining his business, and pointed out that all the one-hour spots were taken, returned to find a ticket pinned to the reply: "Don't park in a twelve-minute place unless you're attending a twelve-minute meeting."

Bill of Particulars. In Tucson. Ariz., police traveling 65 to 100 mph were outdistanced but finally caught Speedster Delos Kebler Knox Jr., by trapping him in a roadblock, promptly impounded his ex-1948 Ford on the ground that it had 1) no body, 2) no windshield, 3) no floor boards, 4) steering wheel sawed in half,

5) seat precariously bolted to the frame,

6) gas tank held on by baling wire,

7) no speedometer, 8) no hood, 9) no fenders, 10) no registration.

In the Vocative. In London, Mrs. Gladys Marshall won a divorce after testifying that her husband had addressed her for two years as "you maniac," said she in turn had called him either "you swine" or simply "Mr. Marshall."

The Bird. In Rochester, the Traffic Control Committee politely deferred action on Mrs. Verone H. White's complaint that cars parked near her house reflect the sun into her parakeet's eyes.

Pointed Reproach. In Columbus, Ohio, Rudolph Smith told the stranger who asked for a cigarette that he did not smoke, got stabbed.

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