Small Print. In Tulsa, Ted Cobb, 9, during a tornado alert, hastily scribbled out and taped to his chest a "last will and testament," directing, "I leave everything I own to my friend George Draper Jr., if he isn't blown away first."

In Vats Veritas. In Chicago, Andrew Mulligan, charged with drunken driving, was freed when he explained that police had arrested him just after he had worked eight hours cleaning brewery vats.

On Second Thought. In Dayton, the Journal Herald printed a want ad: "Would the man who was looking for a home for himself and his two boys in the early 1940s please call Mrs. Fogle again."

Dialectic. In Moscow, the publication Soviet Trade, fretting that so few of Russia's young women these days can "prepare a lunch, dinner, supper at home, or even make tea properly," concluded darkly, "Inability to cook often brings young housewives many bitter disappointments."

Only Shoot & Ride. In Rochester, James Robert Cronmiller, 6, answered the telephone, agreed to take a message for his father but asked the caller to wait while he got a pencil, returned shortly, explained that the point was broken, went for another, returned, announced: "I'm here. But do you know what? I can't write."

T.K.O. In Memphis, Mrs. Patricia Carolyn Barnett Fine, 1955 winner of a "Mrs. Homemaker" contest, filed for divorce declaring that her husband was "absolutely impossible to please."

Downwind. In Jersey City, police got a phone tip from Kenneth Thompson, 21, of a tavern robbery by a "good-looking guy," confirmed the theft, tracked down handsome Tipster Kenneth Thompson.

Idea Man. In Buffalo, Michael P. Gorman, who was bothered, along with other mail handlers, by exhaust fumes from post-office delivery trucks at a loading platform, won a certificate of merit and $12.50 for his suggested solution: turn off the motors.

. . . And So Ad Infinitum. In Tokyo, police spotted Mitsushi Tanimoto in a store picking a woman's pocket, made the arrest and then nabbed the woman, who was so busy shoplifting sweaters that she had not noticed the pickpocket.

Know Thyself. In Luton, England, Thomas David Bolter, onetime sergeant major, was acquitted of being drunk and disorderly after he told the court his drinking capacity was "18 pints when I sit down," replied to the prosecutor's question, "Well, and what about when you stand up?" with "I fall over."

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