Clair de Lune. In Hartford, Conn., Clarence S. Grant, charged by police with breach of the peace, resisting arrest and lascivious carriage, pleaded "impaired awareness."

Nervous Type. In Wauwatosa, Wis., Marshall Esperseth bounced his car off two trees, knocked over three trolley poles, sheared off a light pole, flattened two parking signs, smashed to a halt against a third tree, confided to arresting officers that he felt shaken up.

Qualification Course. In Portland, Me., Mrs. Lorraine E. Hughes, suing for divorce, testified that her husband wanted her to learn a list of words from the dictionary every night, as he did, and to study to become "worthy of him."

Strike Down the Band. In Morgantown. W. Va.. Edward Alwen Patterson was fined $13 for breaking into the line of the Regional Band Festival parade in his old Chrysler bearing a sign: "All bands are overrated."

High Living. In Tel Aviv, Israel, a court acquitted Eliahu Migdal of disturbing the peace with a noisy card game on his open balcony late one night, ruled: "There is no lawful limit on the amount of noise a person may make on his own balcony."

Compass Points. In Miami, House Painter Elias Barimo, bringing a $100,000 suit against the Southern Bell Telephone Co.. stated that in painting an office baseboard he "commenced at the southwest corner, painting in a northerly direction to the northwest corner, then easterly to the northeast corner, then southerly to the southeast corner, and then commenced painting in a westerly direction along the south wall toward the point of beginning," where he bumped into a telephone booth placed against the wall while he was at work and was struck on the head by a panel.

Inheritance Tacks. In Tulsa. all buses of the Tulsa City Lines, which in a recent election lost its franchise to a new line, carried newly installed signs: "Why wait on a bus? Next time call a taxi."

A Penny Earned. In Hartford, Conn., a burglar quietly broke the glass in the front door of the Eastern Automotive Co., skillfully disconnected the alarm, forced open the empty cash register, desperately ripped open the sales-tax container and cleaned it--of its 4-c-.

Sign Here. In Bassett, Calif., the district school board ruled that it is all right for a principal to spank a student if 1) the parents approve, 2) the district superintendent approves, and 3 ) "two responsible adults" other than the parents are there to witness the swatting.

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