Short Stop. In Milwaukee. William Long paid a $3 fine for overtime parking, crossed the street to his car, was nipped $2 for jaywalking.

Eiffel Glower. In Cairo, Cole Porter's I Love Paris, banned after the Anglo-French bombing of Egypt last November, was being sung again, to the words, "I love Madrid."

Meanwhile ... In Knoxville, Tenn., James Tipton Profitt, held pending his hearing on a charge of drunken driving, asked to work in the paint shop next to the jail, was found in a state of bliss two hours later next to an empty can of paint thinner.

Who's on First? In Nottingham. England, Prison Commissioner Duncan Fairn complained that girls who wait outside infamous Dartmoor Prison to see prisoners are giving the place a bad name.

Warm Up. In Piedmont. Italy, where the National "Hearty Eaters" Competition is being held, one contestant attracted heavy betting by putting away a trial meal of 20 artichokes, 200 pickles, 15 mushrooms, 20 slices of smoked tongue, four portions of meat-filled dumplings, two bowls of rice, two helpings of hog's pudding, three helpings of boiled beef and chili, one chicken, three helpings of veal with salad, 1 Ib. of cheese, half a pie, a bowl of fruit, a gallon of wine, three glasses of cognac, four cups of coffee.

Melted the Goose. In Memphis, safecrackers cut into a safe with acetylene torches, made off with 400 silver dollars, left the charred remains of $3,000 in cash and checks.

The Emperor's Clothes. In the Himalayan village of Neoria Husainpur, India, after only nine people voted in the recent elections out of 530 who could have, one elder remarked that the candidates' speeches convinced the villagers "that all were alike and it would not make any difference who won."

Q.E.D. In San Francisco, the Traffic Fines Bureau received Howard Frohlich's $2 parking tag in an envelope along with: a 20-c- dividend check from one share of Pan American World Airways stock, a state expense check for $1.35. and a 40-c- stockbroker's refund check, all made out to Frohlich and endorsed to the bureau, totaled it up to $1.95, looked again, found his personal check for 5-c-.

Eight to the Bar. In London. Publican Harry Sternshine won permission from the London County Council Public Control Committee to use an amplifier in his pub when he argued eloquently that louder music was required to attract people away from TV.

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