G.B.S. v ABC
In his 94 years. George Bernard Shaw took up every sort of cause from Fabianism to vegetarianism to antivivisection. But he had one obsession that puzzled even his closest friends. "They think it a huge joke," he once complained. "It's the most serious proposal of my life." His will proved that he meant what he said: aside from some personal bequests, the bulk of his estate was to go into a charitable trust to finance the design of a new phonetic alphabet for the English-speaking people. But just in case the courts might throw out such a trust, Shaw named three alternate beneficiaries who would divide his money between them: the British Museum, the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art and the National Gallery of Ireland in Dublin.
In spite of the eccentricity of Shaw's will, no one at first bothered to contest it. Shaw had not left too much cash, and the huge (70%) death duties had yet to be paid. Then along came the Broadway hit My Fair Lady, which has brought in $2,000 a week in royalties, has paid the death duty, upped the estate's value to $2,000,000. By last month so much money was involved that Britain's Public Trustee Office decided to test the will in court. Was the rewriting of the alphabet really a legitimate charity? The attorney general said yes; the British Museum, Royal Academy of Dramatic Art and National Gallery of Ireland said no.
In arguing the case, the attorney general did his best for Shaw's frustrated crusade. To G.B.S. "Dr. Johnson's Alphabet" of 26 letters was as obsolete as Roman numerals. What was needed, he insisted, was an alphabet large enough to cover all the language's 40-odd basic sounds. Such absurdities as having f, ff, gh and ph represent one single sound would be eliminated. Phone could be spelt with three letters, Shaw with only two. "The saving," said Shaw, "would pay for half a dozen wars, if we could find nothing better to spend it on." Though Shaw never settled on any of the many alphabets proposed to him, he did favor one that would have made the sentence "From Dodderdyke to Pope Shotten is sixteen miles or thereabout" look like:
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