In Hoc Signo ... In Tokyo, Japan's welfare ministry announced a new program to aid the poor, one point of which called for the opening of 190 more pawnshops.

Wet Spell. In Albuquerque, arrested for drunkenness, Emanuel Welch confided to police that he sometimes uses an alias, supported his claim by spelling Sebastian Bogankinzenellenriinzinskiyork the same way three times.

The Life You Save ... In Rochester, after Kenneth Butters complained about fast driving along Woodbine Avenue, police set up a radar trap and nabbed five speeders, including Butters.

It's Always Darkest. In Catlettsburg, Ky., Police Chief Ray Castle came to work, found a note from the lobster shift: "Ray, the radio in the police car won't work. The lights in the men's restroom are out. Sewer on 34th St. stopped up. The town clock is 7 minutes slow, and payday is past due 10 days."

How Deep Is the Ocean? In Brixlegg, Austria, Frau Elsie Ellenunter decided to test her husband's love, coyly planted a faked, self-addressed love letter on a table, learned the extent of his devotion when he chased her from the house with a kitchen knife.

Quality Control. In Passaic, N.J., thieves lifted a dilapidated pair of shoes, an old shirt and a necktie from the apartment of Arthur Church, left a note: "How in hell can honest crooks like us make a decent living when we get stuck with junk like yours?"

Still in the Forest. In Raleigh, N.C., the morning News and Observer and evening Times ran a classified ad: "Shorty: Got plenty of charcoal. Bought six auto radiators. Tubing, sugar credit and transportation arranged for Sept. Red."

Charity Pall. In Andrews, S.C., declaring a "No-Donations Week," Mayor W. H. Smith complained: "Citizens of Andrews have been solicited, entreated, cajoled and coerced into making contributions and donations without surcease since the time of the founding of our fair city and desire seven days' respite."

Lead Me Not. In Providence, Philip L. Billings asked directions of fellow Motorist Kenneth R. Pelkey, was told "follow me" and did, ended up with Pelkey in traffic court, where both were fined $15 for speeding.

Barman's Holiday. In Paterson, N.J., returning to her tavern after a month's vacation, Mrs. Arlene Bassano discovered that Manager Robert Cunningham had given away or downed its entire $700 stock, was under treatment at a center for alcoholics.

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