20-Year Itch. In London, on trial for attempted murder. Metal Worker Sidney P. Tucker. 47, was accused by the prosecutor of making two motorcycle runs at his estranged wife, then dismounting and kicking her while shouting, "I've waited 20 years to do this."

Student. In Altadena, Calif., arrested after 200 burglaries, a 14-year-old boy told police he had boned up on the lives of famous criminals, studied the California Penal Code, was planning at the time he was caught to practice his technique on two small safes he had spotted in city hall.

The Ferment. In Buffalo, Bakery Driver Gabrielle Elfassi was fined $10 for speeding despite his explanation in court that he had to hurry, or "the whipped cream on the cupcakes would sour."

To Size. In Pasadena, Calif., Mary Katherine Montgomery, 19, got a divorce after testifying that when she refused to lay her head on her husband's shoulder because "he's too short," Husband James Montgomery, 21, retorted, "I'll bring you down to my size." knocked all the heels off her shoes, slung them into an incinerator.

To the Cleaners. In Detroit, 30 minutes after robbing his fifth cleaning establishment. Service Station Attendant Edward Szczepanski, 17, told police: "My girl has expensive tastes . . . My conscience would bother me after the holdups, and sometimes I thought I would surrender; then I'd want to take her out, and I'd hold up another cleaning store."

Consolation Prize. In Fort Wayne, Ind., an Allen County superior court judge ordered Norbert Rehm to cut the lawn every week for his separated wife, gave him "temporary custody of the power mower."

Champ. In Maastricht, The Netherlands, Dutch Motorcyclist Priem Rozen-berg, 1952 winner of a trophy as best all-round Dutch motorcyclist, five-time member of the Dutch six-day motorcycle team, three-time winner of the Monaco motorcycle trophy, revealed that he had never earned a cyclist's license, finally took his driver's test and failed when he forgot to look back before turning left.

Field Work. In El Centro, Calif., arrested "on suspicion of impersonating an officer," Joseph McKinney, 18, blandly explained why he had flashed a tin badge in several bars and closed two that "were not fit to drink in": he was enrolled in a "course in how to be an investigator, and was just practicing."

Voice of the Turtle. In San Diego, a want ad appeared in the Union-Tribune: "Handsome, cultured, virile ex-officer, 31, seeks attractive lady who will appreciate same until September."

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